Cursive - By Phoebe Lane Page 0,22

He definitely seemed to be all in now, the hesitation she had sensed from him in the beginning all but gone.

She kept reliving in her mind how good it had felt to be in his arms, to kiss him, to laugh, and to share at least part of herself with someone again. She wanted to experience more of him, but this would inevitably force her to walk into a risky territory she wasn’t sure she was quite ready to explore.

On the other end, she had Christopher. She had done everything in her power to put as much distance, both physical and emotional, from the things that reminded her of him. Yet he had still managed to disrupt the balance she so desperately sought by showing up in San Diego.

She felt like her internal compass was stuck right in the middle of the Bermuda triangle, moving around aimlessly, pointing in every direction.

Is it too soon to feel this way about Jace? No. Okay, probably. Fine, yes it is, she argued with herself. But it’s not too late to back off.

The purpose of her sabbatical had been to simplify her life. She needed to take a break from complicated relationships, emotional heaviness, and past mistakes. And yet there she was, navigating dangerous waters while disregarding red flags that warned her of high surf and strong currents.

That's the meaning of the wave reference in my dream, she suddenly realized. Damn you to hell, Freud.

On day number six with little sleep, Aislynn considered taking something to help her relax and asking Ellie to babysit her all night. She certainly didn't want to do it without supervision. The last thing she needed was to get arrested for sleepwalking naked to the 7/Eleven and trying to steal a Diet Coke Big Gulp. Jace's tea had gotten her a few hours of sleep the first night, but it didn't really work after that.

As the number of days without sleep increased, Aislynn's thinking capacity decreased. She now understood why insomniacs often developed an aversion to the bedroom after multiple failed attempts at sleeping in their beds. That afternoon, she tried taking a nap in the living room instead. But the moment she managed to fall asleep on the couch, Ellie jolted her from sleep.

"Aislynn! What the hell is this?"

"Ugh! I'm going to kill you. I had finally fallen asleep. Why do you hate me?" she complained, her eyes still closed, but Ellie didn't respond. "Ellie?" she asked, and opened her eyes only to find her very angry roommate staring back at her.

"I asked you, what the hell is this? Are you leaving again?" she asked, pointing to the laptop and the multiple browser windows showing on the screen. "And don't tell me this is research for your book. Unless one of your characters is travelling to all the cities my company has apartment locations in, I say that's a crappy excuse."

Aislynn sat up in the couch and wrapped her arms around herself. "Listen, Ellie—"

"No! This is bullshit!" she said, pacing in front of the sofa. Ellie forced herself to take several deep breaths, and then took a seat across from Aislynn on the coffee table. "What are you doing? Why do you want to leave again?"

"I was just…I'm thinking that maybe…Argh! I don't know why," she said, pulling at her hair in frustration. "Okay, that's bullshit too."

"What is it, then?"

"I'm just scared, okay? I'm getting attached to San Diego; and I'm feeling stuff for Jace that scares the crap out of me. And I still think about Christopher. And I don't want to feel these things," she rambled.

"Oh, Aislynn…" Ellie said, her face colored with sadness.

"Before you pull a Pam and tell me I'm just running away from things, just hear me out," she said and waited for Ellie to nod. "When I left Texas, I made a decision to start over and live a simple life. I wanted to avoid getting wrapped up in drama again. Now, look at me—I'm doing the exact opposite." She paused and stood up from the couch. "I know it sounds really screwed up, but I just don't want to feel these things right now. This is actually a very normal stage people go through after—"

"Stop doing therapy on yourself. That doesn't work and you know it," Ellie said, exasperated. "Did you tell Jace about Christopher?"

"It's not exactly first date material," Aislynn said while staring down at the floor. "I told him I was in a long term relationship that ended before