Cursive - By Phoebe Lane Page 0,103

was once again turned upside down.

They know?

"We had our suspicions that Christopher may have done this to himself," Emma said and paused, "but we didn't want to approach you about it after the funeral because…well, because you were not well."

What is she talking about? Why do they think Christopher did this on purpose? Nobody should've suspected this was anything but an accident. Unless…

Oh, Jesus Christ.

"Christopher had tried this before. He had two serious suicide attempts before he met you," Emma continued, and Aislynn could do nothing more than cover her mouth with her hand and stop breathing. "I'm assuming he never told you about this?"

Aislynn tried to shake her head, but the shock was interrupting the connection between her brain and the rest of her body. Emma paused, apparently waiting for a response that never came, then continued. "His first attempt was in college, and the second time was about eight years ago."

Aislynn wanted so desperately to block out everything that was going on in front of her, but she refused to let the fear control her. Turning back was not an option anymore. She had to see this through, even if it hurt almost as much as when she'd dealt with it the first time.

"His depression usually developed quickly, and his symptoms were always severe. He responded well to medications and therapy, but he never stayed with his treatment long term. He had a tendency to stop it once he felt better."

Aislynn started feeling a little dizzy, and she realized her breaths were now coming in short and shallow. Emma sat next to her and took her hands in hers. "Are you okay? Charles, get her some water."

She didn't register the few seconds Charles was gone. A cup of water appeared in front of her, and she drank a few sips. It didn't really agree with her stomach so she sat back on the sofa to let the nausea pass.

"I'm so sorry, dear. We suspected it, but we were never sure. We thought about talking to you countless times, but we couldn't make up our minds on whether it was the right thing to do or not. How did you find out?" Emma said, asking the last part with hesitation.

"He…he left me a note," Aislynn said, the sob that escaped Emma's lips piercing right through her heart. "He mailed me a letter the same day it happened, but I didn't get it until weeks later. I didn't…I couldn't deal with it, so I left town. I didn't have the strength to come tell you guys. I'm so sorry I let this go on for so long," Aislynn said, her tears staining her shirt.

"Do you still have the letter?" Charles said, and Aislynn shook her head. She had burned it immediately after reading it. The impulse to destroy the thing that had changed her life forever had taken over her better judgment. "May we ask what it said?" he continued.

"It wasn't very specific. He asked me to please let you know what had happened. He said he loved me and he loved you guys, but that he needed to go." Aislynn watched Charles nod his head in resignation, his hands hiding his face. "I'm sorry for…I didn't…I'm sorry I didn't see it."

"Oh, dear God, Aislynn," Emma said, taking her face in her hands. "Don't you put this on yourself. This is no one's fault. He was sick, he struggled with this for years, and he chose not to tell you. Please, sweetheart, you have to learn to let this go. This wasn't your fault."

And with those words, Aislynn broke down. Emma held her in her arms and cried with her, months and months of pent up agony leaving her body. Aislynn realized that guilt wasn't just going to go away, but knowing about Christopher's past and getting some absolution from his parents definitely helped.

Emma and Charles insisted on making Aislynn drink some tea at least. She agreed, thinking it would help settle her stomach, but excused herself to use the restroom to wash her face first. She walked down the hallway, trying to ignore the pictures on the walls. It still hurt too much to see Christopher's smiling face from years past. As soon as she locked herself in the bathroom, a familiar sensation came over her. Her ears popped, the pressure in the air changed, and she froze. She knew what was about to happen next.

No. I won't let this happen. This needs to stop.

"I don't need this anymore,