irritation into the world,” Mom would say. “Let it go. Don’t let it fester in your heart.”
It didn’t help. It never helped.
Inside the house, Grandma Ellen set aside the duster only to reappear with a hand vacuum. She attacked a chair near the window as if she were trying to vanquish a pack of demons. I bet the dogs are hiding under the dining room table. That’s where I’d be, too.
Kristen dropped her arms from the steering wheel and slid her hand into her pocket, her fingers closing over the kazoo. She still kept it close. Sometimes, when no one was around, she’d play “Dancing Queen” over and over.
She sighed and leaned back against the headrest once more. Oh, Mom, this is hard. Harder than I ever imagined. Her eyes grew blurry, and she angrily swiped at them. In a box in Kristen’s closet at this very minute, jumbled with scrapbooks and photos and other memorabilia, was a thumb drive containing dozens of videos of Mom. There was a clip about learning new things, a few about having children, a half dozen on the importance of balance—in all, Mom had made more than forty videos for Kristen to watch as she grew up. Mom had wanted her to wait as each topic came up in her life, but right now, Kristen couldn’t even watch the two Mom had recorded about death. Every time she tried, she’d cry too hard to hear or see it. And not a soft, weepy cry, but the deep, bellyaching, ugly cry that people usually did when they were alone and no one could hear or see. The same thing happened whenever Kristen tried to look at the picture albums she and Mom had made or when she went to burn the good-memories candles Mom had left. Kristen couldn’t do any of it.
Worse, she didn’t want to.
What she wanted was her mom back.
A loud rumble announced the arrival of a truck with a bad exhaust pipe as it pulled into the driveway behind her. Kristen wiped her sleeve over her eyes one last time and then adjusted her rearview mirror and watched as Missy hopped out.
Kristen waved, and Missy dashed to the car, her head ducked against the cold drizzle.
Missy opened the passenger door and plopped into the seat, the car rocking as she closed the door. “Geez, it’s cold!”
“At least it’s not snowing.”
“Snow is better than this mess. I hate icy drizzle.” Missy’s curly brown hair surrounded her round face like a halo, water droplets sparkling on the ringlets. “What are you doing out here?”
“I didn’t want to go inside.”
“Don’t blame you.” Missy watched Grandma Ellen, who was looking out the window, no doubt drawn there by the sound of Missy’s broken exhaust pipe. “She doesn’t look happy.”
“She’s been acting weird the past few days.”
Missy’s eyes widened. “You think she knows you drugged her?”
Kristen flushed. “I didn’t drug her! I told her the tea would make her sleep, which it did. She told me the next morning she’d slept most of the night, too, so it worked just fine.” Kristen shrugged, her gaze moving back to the front window. “I don’t know why, but she’s been really quiet lately, and I’ve caught her watching me as if she thinks I robbed a bank or something.”
“Weird. It’s also sort of weird to sit in your car in the driveway, unless, of course, you’re making out with a guy. Are you okay?”
Kristen sent Missy a hard side glance.
Missy threw her hands up. “Right. That was a ridiculous thing to say. Of course you aren’t okay. I just meant—”
“Don’t be stupid.” Kristen shrugged, although she felt more like gritting her teeth. “I’m tired, that’s all.”
Missy nodded sympathetically. “I’m glad I’m here, then, but can you turn on your heater? I’m cold. That rain was like ice water.”
Kristen slid her key back into the ignition, and the car jolted to life. Since she’d just parked, warm air instantly streamed into the car.
Missy cupped her hands over the nearest vent. “That’s so much better, I— Good Lord, is your grandma vacuuming the curtains?”
“Dove Pond is too dusty for her.”
“Huh. My mom just takes them down and throws them in the wash. Works every time.”
Kristen couldn’t remember her mom ever washing the curtains. They probably needed vacuuming and washing. “That’s what she’s been doing. She cleans, vacuums, and watches me as if she thinks I might explode or something.”
“Impressive.” Missy rubbed her hands together, her gaze suddenly a little sharper. “So…