Let’s just be done. Don’t touch me. Don’t kiss me. Don’t talk to me. Don’t try to explain your behavior. I get it, okay? I only have a scrap of the bigger picture. But I refuse to be like my mama, clinging to a man that does nothing but hurt me. If you care about me at all, you’ll let me go. We can try to just be friends, maybe, but the rest? We need to stop, Rogue.”
Our shirts brushed together as I passed by and walked out. Once again, he didn’t try to stop me.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
I didn’t sleep again last night. After leaving Rogue's house Sunday morning, my mama ran me ragged at home, making me put in some extra practice for my cotillion classes by going over some of the etiquette bullshit. She kept impressing upon me how I couldn’t embarrass her in front of Mrs. Brodie. If I hadn’t been so down after my conversation with Rogue, I might’ve been pissed and argued with her, but I didn’t have it in me.
After that, I had a three hour session for a ballroom dancing lesson with my dance teacher. He kept cursing at me, asking how I could possibly have gotten worse than I was before. I didn’t know how to tell him that my heart wasn’t in it. My heart wasn’t in anything these days. Hell, it barely had enough energy to beat.
I'd gone home after class and immediately soaked in the tub until my fingers and toes turned into prunes and every last bubble had popped. My only consolation was that Mama signed me up for gymnastics classes again, and I was starting in a few days. But even that was a hollow triumph. Gymnastics reminded me of how the guys would show up with handmade crown signs, cheering at inappropriate times and throwing candy at me after a performance instead of flowers, because they understood my love of sweets. Fuck, everything made me think of them, and it was pissing me off.
I tried to watch mindless movies on Netflix last night, but I was too preoccupied with Rogue to actually pay attention to anything. He hadn't texted or called a single time. That said a lot.
If I was honest with myself, I was surprised. He'd been so possessive of me after he'd taken my virginity that I expected him to fight for me. The fact that he didn't told me that he didn't want me. Not really. And that hurt. It hurt more than the last seven months of bullying combined. Fuck Rogue Kelly and his commanding eyes and demanding body.
Maybe I'd been so starved for affection that I was blind, but I really thought that things would be different. I thought that once we came together, that he'd never let me go. I thought that he would let me all the way in, and that we'd be able to do this thing for real. But I was always naïve when it came to the Heirs. I was just his conquest.
I rolled out of bed at four in the morning, because I just couldn't try to sleep anymore. My mind was a mess, and to be honest, my body was, too. Ever since Luis and Godfrey teased me yesterday morning, there was a heat low in my belly that couldn't be quenched. The one person I knew who could sate me was the one person who proved he didn't want me.
I needed to feel control of my body, needed to stretch my muscles and push them hard so that I could feel a semblance of pride again. So, I went to the one place where I called the shots. The gym didn’t break hearts, it hardened them. It sculpted athletes into the best version of themselves, and the best version of me wanted to stop loving Rogue Kelly.
I dressed in a pale pink leotard and black workout shorts, then threw on an off-the-shoulder long sleeved shirt before grabbing my backpack, stuffing in my uniform, and then slipping on some sneakers. I crept downstairs, stopping in the kitchen to leave a note for Mama before walking out the front door.
Outside, the sun was still hours from rising, and the chilled air bit into my bare legs. I slipped into Mama’s Bugatti and drove to the school. I didn't listen to any music. I just let the silence and the darkness wash over me all the way to the parking lot. Once I got to the school,