we should mix it up today, wait outside. At this point, I’m grasping at any little thing to keep my hope alive.
I’m pacing, twirling my earring, while my mom sits in a chair. I thought I might find Garrin there when I came out, but he was gone.
He’s stood vigil with me for days, never leaving, just having Langley bring him some changes of clothes. He has an entire company to help run. I can’t expect him to sit here indefinitely.
The door to the bedroom opens and I whip around, my mom standing from the chair.
“How is he?” I ask.
His lips tip down and my stomach drops.
“It’s time that you both said your goodbyes.”
My mom collapses to the floor with a wail. I immediately rush over, kneeling down and wrapping my arms around her.
“There’s nothing else you can do?” I ask, pleading.
“I’m afraid not.” His expression is grave and I can tell he feels bad about having to give us this news.
My own tears well and drop from my eyes as I hold my mom while she weeps in my arms.
“How long does he have?” I ask.
The doctor crouches down to see how my mom is. “It’s hard to say. Could be days, could be hours.”
I nod.
“I’m sorry I don’t have better news.” He takes my mom’s hand in his, patting it. “I’ve made him comfortable.”
My head drops on top of my mom’s. “Thanks for coming.”
He rises to his feet, and I listen as his soft footfalls head down the hallway.
“I can’t believe it’s come to this,” my mom says. She pulls away and looks at me, despair filling every one of her features.
“Me either.”
We fall into another embrace and hold each other. I don’t know if it’s for minutes or for hours, but all I can think of when I’m sitting there is that this is how it will be from now on, just the two of us.
My mom pulls away, wiping at her face. “I’m going to go in now and say goodbye. I don’t think I can be there when he…” She caves into herself and sobs. My chest aches for all three of us—my mom for losing the love of her life, myself for losing my father, and my dad for losing his life.
I rub my mom’s back, and when she straightens, I say, “That’s okay. I can be there with him.”
My declaration feels like both a privilege and a curse. Because how do you watch the man you’ve loved and looked up to your entire life take his last breath?
My mom nods, wiping at the tears on her face, and pushes up off the floor. I follow suit, going to sit in the chair to wait.
With one last look at me, she slowly opens the door, pausing at the threshold before stepping inside and closing it behind her.
A short while later, Garrin returns. “Hey, sorry. I got a call I had to take, so I figured I’d step out of the hall so I didn’t disturb your dad.” His steps halt when he sees me, and I instantly burst into tears. “What happened?” He sits down next to me and brings me into his arms.
“The doctor said there’s nothing more he can do for my father. It’s just a matter of time.” I burrow my head into his neck.
“Oh no. Isla, I’m so sorry.” He squeezes me tight. “What can I do?”
I pull away and he wipes at the tears on my cheek with his thumb. “Just stay here with me until I have to go in and say goodbye. My mom is in there now.”
He nods, takes my hand in his and we sit there and wait.
It’s a few hours before my mom makes an appearance. It’s obvious she’s been crying and she can barely look at Garrin or me when she closes the door behind her.
“I’ve said all I have to say. If you want to go do the same, now’s the time.”
I nod, letting Garrin’s hand drop, and stand from the chair, walking over to give my mom a hug. “We’ll get through this.” The words leave my lips unbidden.
“I know we will.”
We squeeze each other tighter, and I leave her and Garrin behind to step into the bedroom.
My dad looks the worst I’ve seen him, and I realize that a small part of me will be happy for him to go, just so he doesn’t have to suffer any longer. I just stand there and watch him struggle for a breath