grabbed both of my hands, stopping me from touching him.
“I’m hard, baby. Had to be. I’ve tried to tell myself I could find a place cleaner, but I am on the outside still. Your father ‘n brothers have been fuckin’ good to me, workin’ with me to find that way out I needed, owe them everything. But woman… redemption is… just beyond reach. Just. Fuckin’ just wanted a quiet life. Wanna work, have money in the bank so I won’t ever go hungry again, brothers to throw ‘em back with, and maybe get laid once in a while without havin’ to put up with bullshit perverts who get their rocks off with underage or unwilling girls. Life’d be good if I had men I could call brothers who aren’t runnin’ girls for sex rings, who don’t move kidnapping victims for ransom or take ‘em to slave auctions. That’s all I wanted. Never wanted to be a biker, but I respect the brotherhood and feel like I almost fit. I’m not built to give you the life you deserve, and I don’t wanna fuck it up with you and fuck them over, make ‘em regret lettin’ me in. I got a target on my back, baby. You do not deserve to live your life lookin’ over your shoulder because of the man you’ve tied yourself to.” He finally stopped talking.
I took a second to absorb all he said before I said my piece.
“You’re wrong. So wrong. I see my life, the life we’ll have, and it isn’t me looking over my shoulder because you won’t stop until we don’t have to. I know this about you. You and Dad and my brothers and all the brothers, you’ll all work your asses off so your families can breathe easy. Isn’t that what you’re workin’ toward now?”
He blew out a long breath.
“Christian, do not tell me you’re in this plan, this mission with Dad and the brothers and your heart isn’t in it. I know it is.”
His eyes met mine and his expression was fierce and also wondrous.
“Don’t tell me shit you know you don’t believe. If I have a man as my man who does not stop trying to make life better for me then I’ve done what my father wanted. I’ve found a man that deserves me.”
“You deserve better than this.”
“Don’t I deserve to have what I want? I haven’t had it all rosy either, you know. Have you heard about my mother? I was born in withdrawals because of that witch taking drugs when she was pregnant with me. If it weren’t for club women, me and my siblings would’ve gone without when Dad had to be gone for work. Our mother didn’t give a shit if we were sick, hungry, bleeding, or runnin’ the streets at all hours. And you do know I thought I was in love with a guy that kept our thing secret until he got killed by your former club and then I found out he was doing gang bangs and not doing me.”
“Ass wipe,” he growled. “Sorry. Know he’s dead, but what a fuckin’ tool.”
My heart surged with emotion. “You do deserve to be happy. And so do I. If you want me, let’s do this. I want you.”
“For now you think you do…”
“No,” I said firmly. “This isn’t just infatuation. It fucking isn’t. Any suggestion that it is… that’ll truly piss me off, Forker. Do not piss me off. You feel it, too, or I wouldn’t be here with you right now with a pink bum.”
He gave me a sad smile and then leaned in and touched my face.
“I’m too filthy to have something as beautiful as you. I haven’t done enough good to earn you.”
“Christian…” How could I get through to him?
He kept talking. “But you know what? Bein’ that I’m a filthy outlaw, fuck it; I should fuckin’ keep ya anyway.”
My heart flared. “You should. And then I’ll spend as much energy as I have, and believe me I have a lot of it, and I’ll use it to show you that you have earned the right to be happy. It’s your turn to be happy, Superman.”
“You’re makin’ me crazy, woman.” He put his forehead to mine and let out a breath.
“Are you gonna let me keep making you crazy? Because if you’re in this club, you’re not getting away from me. And I know you wanna be in the club. You turned everything on its head to be part of