around with him from when he competed himself. Him in first place, some other guy in second, Arnold Schwarzenegger in third. He says to me, ‘I got first and lived on nothing but fresh pussy for the next two years. Arnie got third and lived in the gym and worked his guts out. And now he’s the governor of California and I’m training you, you arsehole.’”
I don’t know what was wrong with me. I just wasn’t in the mood to make friends. Stupid, really. I was sick of it already, or sick of myself, or all that tangled up together.
“I just want to know where the book is.”
Gary grinned that big happy fucking stupid grin, teeth like Scrabble tiles glued into a coffee table. “Sure, I know. Sounds like you guys are on a real weird gig. What is that book, anyway? I mean, the guy told me it was valuable. I did okay out of it—made enough cash to fix up the house and the yard and had a few parties, you know? I’m interested now.”
“It was stolen from important people, a long time ago. Where is it?”
“Well, it ain’t here. Sold it, like I said.”
“Who to?”
“I got a receipt someplace. Damn sure it’s not worth the paper it’s written on, though, right?” Wide friendly grin. Every time his face gaped open I wanted to break a chair in it.
“Just give me the fucking name.”
“Mike,” Trix hissed.
The grin shut down like someone threw a switch. “Don’t talk to me like that.”
“You know what? I just started this case and I’m already sick of uppity perverts. The name.”
Gary stood up. He didn’t have much height, but he was wide and solid. “Oh, is that what I am? Well, here’s the deal, private eye. I’ll give you the name. After you’ve partied with me and my friends a little. Or you can take a walk. Or I can kick your scrawny ass clean from here to the airport and you can fly back to where the weenie vanilla straight boys hide.”
The doorbell rang.
“That’s my friends,” Gary said. “They’re bringing the needles.”
Big evil grin.
Chapter 12
Eight very large and very gay men filled the living room.
“This is Mike and Trix,” said Gary, glowering at me. “Mike wants to have an experience with us.”
The tallest man in the room, an Aryan blond in a sprayed-on white T-shirt and bicycle shorts, appraised me without love and then traded looks with Gary. “He’s gonna wash first, right?”
“Oh, we’re not going to party with Mike. I just want to shoot him up a little, and then he’s gonna head back to his hotel.”
“Me, too,” said Trix. “I mean, I want to play, too.”
“You know what we’re talking about, right?” Gary said.
“Sure I do. There’s some guys in Boston who throw parties and put the photos up on their Web site.”
“That’s Eugene,” a little redhead guy in black jeans hooted. “I love that guy. Visited him last summer. He took me whale-watching out on Boston Harbor.”
“Isn’t he cool?” said Trix. “I saw all his photos. Always wanted to try this. I figured that if you infused my labia, it’ll feel a little like having balls, you know?”
Feeling vaguely betrayed, I found Gary’s eyes and threw my best possible Murderous Gaze into them.
“I’m armed, you know.”
“No, you’re not.”
“What makes you think that?”
“I’m a cop. I can spot a guy carrying from thirty feet.”
How badly did I want this job? I could’ve just walked away from it there and then. Go back to New York, take a partial fee on the case. Hell, take no fee at all, chalk it up to more hideous experience. What fee was worth all this shit?
Trix was watching me. She looked sad. She gave me a little smile, but that was sad, too.
I sat down hard in the chair and dug my fingers into the arms.
“You’re not injecting salt water into my testicles and that’s that.”
Chapter 13
This is where we shoot salt water into your testicles,” said Gary.
He’d converted a big room in the back of the house into a huge walk-in shower room, with sound speakers recessed high in the walls.
“You’re going to have to take your clothes off,” Gary observed. “Not that I’m looking forward to seeing you naked, believe me. You’re in shitty shape for a private detective.”
“How many private detectives do you know?”
“Well…there’s Magnum.”
“Get away from me.”
“Drop ’em.”
“So this is the deal. I let you do this thing to me, and I get the receipt.”
“Right. And quit with the ‘do