would have been an added benefit.” That wasn’t entirely true, of course. Jesper wasn’t the only one trying to keep a step ahead of his demons.
“Oh, then you’re absolutely right,” said Jesper. “Not evil at all. I’m sure he also had good reasons for not letting you grieve for your mother.”
Wylan tugged at a thread unraveling from the sleeve of his coat. “It wasn’t all his fault. My father seemed sad most of the time. And far away. That was around the same time he realized I wasn’t … what he’d hoped for.”
“How old were you?”
“Eight, maybe? I’d gotten really good at hiding it.”
“How?”
A faint smile touched Wylan’s lips. “He would read to me or I’d ask one of the nannies to, and I’d memorize whatever they said. I even knew when to pause and turn the pages.”
“How much could you remember?”
“A lot. I sort of set the words to music in my head like songs. I still do it sometimes. I’ll just claim I can’t read someone’s writing and get them to read the words aloud, set it all to a melody. I can hold it in my head until I need it.”
“Don’t suppose you could apply that skill to card counting.”
“Probably. But I’m not going to.”
“Misspent gifts.”
“You’re one to talk.”
Jesper scowled. “Let’s enjoy the scenery.”
There wasn’t much to look at yet. Wylan realized how tired he felt. He wasn’t used to this life of fear, moving from one moment of worry to the next.
He thought about telling Jesper how it had all started. Would it be a relief to have the whole shameful story out in the open? Maybe. But some part of him wanted Jesper and the others to keep believing that he’d left his father’s house intending to set up in the Barrel, that he’d chosen this life.
As Wylan got older, Jan Van Eck had made it increasingly clear that there was no place for his son in his house hold, especially after his marriage to Alys. But he didn’t seem to know what to do with Wylan. He took to making pronouncements about his son, each one more dire than the last.
You can’t be sent to seminary because you can’t read.
I can’t apprentice you somewhere because you may reveal yourself to be defective.
You are like food that spoils too easily. I can’t even put you on a shelf somewhere to keep without making a stink.
Then, six months ago, Wylan’s father had summoned him to his office. “I’ve secured you a position at the music school in Belendt. A personal secretary has been hired on and will meet you at the school. He will handle any mail or business beyond your capabilities. It is a ridiculous waste of both money and time, but I must accept what is possible where you are concerned.”
“For how long?” Wylan had asked.
His father shrugged. “As long as it takes people to forget I had a son. Oh, don’t look at me with that wounded expression, Wylan. I am honest, not cruel. This is best for both of us. You’ll be spared the impossible task of trying to step into the role of a merchant’s son, and I’ll be spared the embarrassment of watching you attempt it.”
I treat you no more harshly than the world will. That was his father’s refrain. Who else would be so frank with him? Who else loved him enough to tell him the truth? Wylan had happy memories of his father reading him stories—dark tales of forests full of witches and rivers that spoke. Jan Van Eck had done his best to care for his son, and if he’d failed, then the defect lay with Wylan. His father might sound cruel, but he wasn’t just protecting himself or the Van Eck empire, he was protecting Wylan as well.
And everything he said made perfect sense. Wylan could not be trusted with a fortune because he would be too easily swindled. Wylan could not go to university because he’d be the target of mockery. This is best for both of us. His father’s ire had been unpleasant, but it was his logic that haunted Wylan—that practical, irrefutable voice that spoke in Wylan’s head whenever he thought about attempting something new, or trying to learn to read again.
It had hurt to be sent away, but Wylan had still been hopeful. A life in Belendt sounded magical to him. He didn’t know much about it other than that it was the second-oldest city in Kerch and located on the shores