looked awful. Stunningly so. Jane once again marveled at how, at least when it came to her face, she had no visible signs of aging—there were no wrinkles around her eyes, no sag in her cheeks. It was something deeper that was wrong with her, something that defied explanation.
She suspected this had to do with just how ghastly Miriam’s soul, or whatever she’d seen, had looked when it had been separated from her body the night before. But, of course, it was hard for Jane to express concern over Miriam’s spirit or soul when doing so would reveal that she’d managed to somehow see it.
She tried to keep the focus on Miriam’s well-being. “You’re not going back, are you?” asked Jane. “When you say investigate this . . . thing . . . you mean down in the Library, right?”
Miriam stiffened. “That’s my business.”
“But, Miriam—look at yourself. You’re not well, you look sick, your hair?.?.?.?You just vomited up something that you say you brought back with you somehow. I don’t even understand how that’s possible!”
“Jane, this war—it’s all about sacrifice. If we win, it will be because of what you, or I, or anyone else is willing to give for the cause.”
“But—”
“Do you understand that if I tell the Société what happened to my parents, I’ll have to tell them what I can do?” Miriam bit her lip. “I’ve had to do something that’s not exactly forbidden, but also not exactly encouraged. You’re not really supposed to . . . to take over other people’s bodies.” She said this all in a rush, as if worried Jane would judge her. But, of course, Jane had her own, far worse secrets to keep. “The Société would be in their rights to hand me over to your father when they find out, but that’s a risk I’m willing to take.”
Jane kept a straight face only through sheer force of will. She wanted to burst into tears, to tell Miriam her own worries in that regard, but caution stayed her tongue.
Jane’s reckoning, if there was to be one, would come later. This was about Miriam and her choices, and as Jane looked at her friend—the hollows beneath her eyes, the new silver threading through her once-dark mane, the rickety motions of her arms, she felt it was time to address them head-on. Miriam was hurting herself, maybe even killing herself. Jane didn’t know if she could stop her friend, but she knew she could at least call Miriam out and make her acknowledge that’s what she was doing.
“You told me your parents sacrificed everything so that you could come here and be safe with me and my mother. Right?” Miriam looked murderous, so Jane said what she had to say all in a rush. “All I mean is . . . getting expelled from the Société, hurting yourself as you’ve been . . . do you think that’s what they would have wanted for you?”
She didn’t realize the question was insensitive until she saw Miriam’s expression change from angry to wounded as she got unsteadily to her feet.
“I can’t know that, can I?” She loomed over Jane, imposing even in her unwholesome desiccation. “I can’t know because they’re dead!”
“I know, I’m sorry, Miriam, I—”
“You what??”
“I just . . .” Jane took a moment to compose herself and make sure she was speaking as precisely as possible. She was genuinely afraid for Miriam’s life—more afraid than Miriam was, she suspected. “I know you’re willing to sacrifice everything for them, and for the war, but does that honor their sacrifice? I never knew them, but I’m sure their intention was for you to live.”
“I want to live too! Of course I do! But I won’t—not if they succeed in building some diabolic weapon powerful enough to turn the tide of this war! Because they’d use it—they’d use it on me, and they’d use it on you, too! They wouldn’t pin a little yellow star on your chest, but they’d say you were a degenerate, and that would be the end of you, Jane Blackwood!”
“But you stopped them.” Jane remained perfectly calm in the face of Miriam’s outburst. She wasn’t angry, and she couldn’t see how it would help if she matched Miriam’s tone—or volume, for that matter. This was too important a conversation for her to have any of it loudly, or in haste. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems like you’re saying that any further investigation would just be you satisfying your