bark if she feels the slightest bit of danger. Brutus, the community’s free-range St. Bernard, would also bark if he saw anything suspicious, though who knows where Brutus is right now?
Hell, Steve the Alligator would probably bark at the Rodericks too. Steve can sense evil. I’m sure of it.
But on an actually-likely-to-happen note, Cam’s fiancé, Jude, is basically always on high alert after the little security ordeal that brought him into her life. He notices even when the sea turtles change direction. And I suspect it bothers the shit out of him when I throw parties after everything Cam went through when they met, but generally, all I get is a text message.
You’re not being stupid, are you?
Huh. Why hasn’t he texted yet? Or Cam?
Oh.
Right.
Because they’re probably having wild monkey sex.
Emily and Derek are probably having monkey sex too.
Actually, add Luna and Big Dick Beck to the monkey sex list as well.
I sigh, because I will most likely not be having wild monkey sex again anytime soon.
All I’ll have is a memory of a striptease from the hot as fuck stranger who probably wouldn’t be here if Gramalicious hadn’t vetted him already, and who probably won’t be here long, because who stays to take care of a stranger’s baby?
He’s feeding the baby right now. And he changed a diaper after Pierson, The Dame’s butler, produced a bag of supplies, but staying? For the next eighteen years?
No way.
People don’t do that.
But not only is he holding and feeding the baby, he’s also engaged in the stare war to end all stare wars with my grandmother.
Usually challenging her only makes her paranormal undead powers stronger, but it seems that being challenged might also be strengthening him.
Whoa.
Just whoa.
I said sexy as fuck, right?
“Mr. Jaeger, my legal team has all the paperwork prepared for you to surrender custodial rights to Daisy,” my grandmother says.
I need a paper bag. And that’s before he growls a low, “No,” at her.
She frowns and glowers, which is impressive.
Usually I’m the only one who can overcome the power of her Botox, but unlike me, Westley Jaeger hasn’t made her a few billion dollars—I’m equally fucked the day my grandmother realizes I’m more lucky than brilliant, because I do love poking her—so he’s really taking his life into his own hands.
“As you didn’t appear to read the will in its entirety, allow me to sum it up for you,” The Dame says dryly. “All of Rafe and Julienne’s assets are to be liquidated with proceeds donated to the local chapter of Sea Stars Anonymous.”
He stares blankly at her while I simultaneously try not to laugh and cry. “Are you for fucking real?” I ask.
Her face pinches again. “Yes, Daisy, I am for fucking real.”
“Sea Stars Anonymous is a local charity group dedicated to helping people who believe they are reincarnated sea animals and want to return to their…previous manifestation,” I tell West.
“I don’t give two shi—craps where their stuff goes.”
“Mr. Jaeger, just to clarify, Remington does not come with a trust fund, so if you’re expecting some kind of financial windfall for—”
I suck in a breath and step back, bumping into one of my frozen yogurt dispensers and accidentally making it leak down my back.
But that face—the raw anger emanating from his blazing hot honey brown eyes— the way his nostrils flare, the way he bares his teeth—hot as fuck may not be a strong enough sentiment.
“Lady, I don’t know what kind of selfish jackass you take me for, but you can shut your yap-hole right the hell now. This baby needs a family. His mother wanted it to be me. And if she’s any indication of what money can do for a person, I’ll be the best damn thing to ever happen to him. You want your lawyers to draw up papers having Party McDiamonds here surrender her rights to me, I’m good with that too. We clear?”
I need a fresh pair of panties. And also to realize I should probably be offended by Party McDiamonds, but I’m secretly very impressed with the nickname.
It’s a new one.
The Dame squares off against him. “You’re here at my invitation, Mr. Jaeger. Do not make me revoke it.”
“I’m here at his dead mother’s invitation. You go on and threaten whatever you need to threaten, but you can be one hundred percent fucking certain that when my lawyers look over that will and confirm for me that I’m this baby’s legal guardian now, I’m taking him home, and I’m raising him right.”
He’s cradling