with me. It’s just habit.”
“I don’t imagine you can get a go-bag like this on board a plane?”
“Wouldn’t even try. But on a military cargo plane? They’re well received.”
“Chase, are you glad those days are behind you? Do you miss them? The excitement? The action?”
He liked her intelligence and insight. “No, to all of them.”
“I was concerned you might have PTSD?”
It was his turn to give a snort. “Cari, there isn’t anyone who has been in combat who doesn’t have it, more or less. Unless you’re a cold-blooded murderer who enjoys killing people, normal human beings aren’t built that way. And when you pull a trigger that could end a life? It’s going to affect you. No amount of mind games will stop it, either.”
“Or drugs or drinking,” she added, sadly.
“Yes, there’s ways to escape it, but it’s always temporary.”
“What about you?” she wanted to know, her voice softening as she absorbed his strong, enduring profile in the morning dawn light. “How did you handle your PTSD?”
“The first year home was rough for me. It’s great to have PTSD when you’re in combat, and your life is on the line. But in civilian life? There are no threats. I came home jumpy, hyperalert, nightmares several times a week, an insomniac, and worst of all, flashbacks.”
“Did you use anything, a medication or something, to help you with them?”
“Mary believed in chamomile tea, so I’d drink it, and darned if it wasn’t calming. I was pretty amazed. It helped me a lot, bringing down the hyperalertness. I was so busy learning the ropes of the ranch that frankly, my focus was on the business, and I just pushed through a lot of the PTSD and kept on going. It worked for me, but I wouldn’t say it would for everyone.”
“But as a sniper,” she pointed out, “you have an incredibly strong focus.”
“Yes, and I believe that helped me enormously. I wouldn’t let anything else bother whatever my focus was on. It’s not that I didn’t get the symptoms, I just wouldn’t let them control me or my life, is all.”
“And now?”
“I might have a bad dream once a week. I’m sleeping well, but when you run a ranch and your physical activity wears you out, you go to sleep at night. Mother Nature’s best sleeping pill.”
She smiled softly. “I feel so happy being here with you, Chase. You were right: This week is going to change our lives. I like having time like this to explore you, to find out all about you.”
“I hope I haven’t scared you off, have I?”
She laughed and reached out, placing her hand on his hard, thick thigh. “Not even! If anything, I feel more secure.”
“Good.” He placed his hand over hers. “I like what we have, Cari. I like where it’s going.”
She turned her hand over, lacing her fingers between his. “So do I, Chase. This is a dream I find myself in.”
“I feel the same.” And silently, he hoped like hell that it didn’t turn into a nightmare with Bannock somewhere out there. Until he was caught, there was no such thing as having a life. And he wanted that more than anything else with Cari.
Chapter Thirteen
June 18
“This raptor compound is situated out in the middle of nowhere,” Cari said, looking at the undulating hills, all yellow desert surrounding them. There were plenty of junipers, a hardy, tough, semi-desert tree that could survive with as little as seven inches or less of rain a year.
She looked at her cell phone, following the progress of Old Highway 80. At one time, the historical note said, this dirt road was the only way in and out of Southern California, below Los Angeles. San Diego was the largest city.
Chase kept his speed about thirty miles an hour unless the dirt road was rutted. “Be thankful that a road grader must come through here from San Diego County and take out all the potholes, ruts, and rocks. Could be worse. How’s Valkyrie riding?”
Twisting her head, Cari saw the red-tail was alert, and looking around. They’d taken off the canvas that covered her crate in Utah, when the hawk remained quiet but attentive, getting used to the long drive. Some raptors would get anxious and keep flapping their wings, breaking off important flight feathers. “She’s quiet and doing fine. I really think she knows she’s going somewhere exciting. She’s always been an adventurous hawk.”
Chase grinned. “Yeah, tree bombing. Well, there are junipers out here, but I don’t think she’ll try