had to face, because it was too big to ignore.
Maybe. Maybe not.
I pulled up the covers, determined to give myself at least an hour of reflection before getting up. I spent half the time convincing myself that what I was doing was wrong. That I was somehow cheating the system, and there was no possibility what I was doing could end up in any other way than total disaster.
Still…
Still there was a part of me that normalized everything in some very creative ways. After all, lots of girls dated two or three guys without being exclusive. At least for a little while. No one had made any commitments between us. The word commitment was never even mentioned.
Besides, I thought to myself, the guys had wanted this. Senan had even encouraged it. Ander and Brett both didn’t seem to mind, and so far they’d gone out of their way not to show me anything other than respect, attention, and love.
And they all live together.
So?
Yeah… that’s going to work out.
Wouldn’t it? It wasn’t like I was hiding anything from anyone. In fact, the beauty of them living together was that they all knew. There couldn’t be any secrets. Any jealousy would reveal itself almost immediately, at which point—
You’re rationalizing.
I sat up in bed, for once forgetting how good my body felt. Forgetting the satiation of my physical needs, and focusing on the emotional.
You want a relationship. Someone to care about.
Staring through the window, I swallowed dryly. Those parts I couldn’t deny. I couldn’t argue with myself that I was lonely, and that I craved the type of deep connection I’d seen in my friends, my family, my coworkers and colleagues. I wanted a mate. A partner. A boyfriend.
I just didn’t expect three.
But what do they want?
That of course, was the million-dollar question. In the end they were guys, and I was a willing girl. In all likelihood they were in it for the sex and the sex alone, and I was merely a shiny new toy for the three of them to play with.
Whether I liked it or not, that part left me with a knot in my stomach.
I threw off the covers, letting the first light of day filter in over my soft, naked body. I didn’t look any different than I did a week ago, but somehow I felt different. Somehow everything had changed.
“Go to work, Chastity.”
I said the words as an affirmation, hopping off the bed and letting my feet hit the smooth planks of the wooden floor. Then I stopped.
Chastity?
Had I really just said that? If so I’d done it without even thinking. As if I enjoyed playing the role, because so far Chastity had led a far more interesting life than Delaina ever had.
I stepped toward the mirror, where I got a glance of my sleep-lined face. My sex-tangled hair. My warm, still-sleepy body that Brett had encapsulated in his rock-hard arms for most of the night.
Mmmmmm…
“Get in the a shower Delaina,” I abruptly told my reflection in the mirror. Then, under my breath I added: “and stop buying into your own bullshit.”
Thirty-Eight
CHASTITY
I spent the morning on campus, teaching about cascading style-sheets and web-based formatting. The afternoon and evening I spent at home, working diligently on a few different projects I’d fallen behind on. I turned my phone off, so there would be no distractions. Not outside ones, anyway.
Inside my mind though, a storm of conflicting thoughts raged.
I ate shitty frozen pizza. Washed it down with half a bottle of warm Gatorade. I should’ve gone out for a proper meal, but I wanted to stay in, to finish something. To get the image of my three lovers out of my head, no matter how hot or funny or compatible they were with me, not to mention incredibly talented in bed.
I’d just finished clearing the table when my phone rang. I swiped it open before realizing who it even was.
“Chastity?”
The voice was deep and strong but buffeted by wind. Whoever it was was obviously outside.
“Ander?”
Static. More wind.
“Am I on speakerphone?”
“Hang on.”
I heard the unmistakable sound of a car door opening and closing. The wind stopped. Ander was suddenly loud and clear.
“Sorry, it’s crazy outside. Where are you right now?”
“Me? Home.”
“I need you to get over here right away,” he said. “I’m sharing my location with you.”
“Ander, what—”
“I’ve got a cat problem.”
My eyebrows knitted together. “A cat problem? What the hell is a—”
An alert popped up on my phone, showing his location on the digital map. It wasn’t far.