in the same night, but it had to be done. “I’m not running for re-election.”
“No.” He settled his hands in his lap, his fists clenched. “Under no circumstances will you do that.”
“I don’t have to run again. I don’t want to.”
“Sweetheart-”
“No, I’ve been thinking about this a lot. You know who I am. You know I don’t really belong there. I probably never did.”
“Of course you belong there,” he said, sounding cross. “You have a solid grasp on a good job in which you excel. You can’t give that up.”
His reaction was a little surprising. Caroline thought he’d be more than willing to let her give up her seat, gubernatorial race or not. Maybe she’d sprung too much on him at once. “I can, I will, and I am.”
He shook his head back and forth. “You can’t do that for me. It means too much to you. You’re bright and personable. You’re dynamic enough that people listen to you, and wholly dedicated to doing something meaningful with your life. You can’t throw that away. You dreamt of it your entire life. Don’t give that up. There’s still so much you have left to accomplish.”
All of his arguments were perfectly valid and entirely refutable. “I did think I always wanted the career I have now,” she said. “But it was never what I thought it would be. I never liked those games. I never liked pretending to be someone I wasn’t. When I think of what I’ve done with my professional life, I consider myself a public servant, not a politician. The law is my vocation. Public policy is a natural offshoot of that. But being in Congress seems so secondary when it comes to my ability to do good. The power and prestige that come along with being on Capitol Hill aren’t nearly as important as the people I love.”
“That is precisely the reason why you should stay where you are. You’re the type of person we need in Washington.”
“I don’t want it anymore.”
Jack shook his head back and forth again, as if trying to jiggle her words out of his brain. “Caroline, you can’t do this. That seat is yours, for as long as you want it. Hell, they were talking about making you part of the minority leadership next term.”
The media coverage after the incident at the Capitol remained an unfortunate natural outgrowth of her behavior. Pundits and players suddenly realized that she was the future of the Democratic Party in Congress, and climbed all over themselves to share their observations with the public. Anything for more airtime. Their grandstanding disgusted her.
“Isn’t it funny how being shot and having people say that you’re patriotic and heroic makes you attractive to party insiders?” she said.
“It’s more than that.”
“Don’t kid yourself. I made a good speech last year. And I’ve done a passable job of working across the aisle to get things done. But that doesn’t matter nearly as much to the Democratic Party as their fucking image.”
“Look at you, turning cynical all of a sudden.”
“Come on, Jack. The media and all those public figures made their obligatory flowery statements right after I got hurt, but none of them really give a shit about me. Ellen, Bob, Chrissy, my staff, and a handful of others, they’re the ones who matter to me. They’re the ones I can count on if I’m in a jam. The rest are engaging in their typical transparent games. Their blowhard discussions matter more to them than the kids who were at the Capitol that day, or my well-being, or the actual welfare of the country, or anything other than their precious ratings and their plays for power. You’ll notice all that speculation came from pundits and anonymous Congressional aides, not me or anyone from my office. I’m not interested in any of that crap. And those who know me well know that.”
He wagged a finger at her. “That fire. That passion. That honesty. Right there. That’s you. That’s why you should stay, Caroline. To keep those assholes accountable.”
How could she make him understand? Her words didn’t matter if her heart wasn’t in the job. “I want you to run for governor. I want us to move on, try something new. I want you to live your dreams, too. It’s not fair to just hold on to mine, especially when I don’t want them anymore.”
His expression softened. Perhaps she’d won him over. “You’re serious. You’re going to walk away.”
“Yes. I can do meaningful things in Harrisburg.