face reddening. He was thinking exactly the same thing. Thames could tell he didn’t want to address that former dynamic. Holden acted so high and mighty, but he never liked to mention how often he had relied on those beneath him to carry out his dirty work.
Maybe Holden didn’t offer full protection that first year because of how impressed the men in the crew were by Thames’ unyielding power. He was stronger than Holden in every way, and stronger than any of the men that had come to face him too. He clawed his way out of every brawl, every attack, no matter how many of them there were.
That strength was born from somewhere very dark, and the fear Thames instilled in his opponents spread like wildfire swiftly before the year was out. It became suddenly a dare to jump him. A quest that fresh fish in prison had tried to commit to ensure their own safety, but all it did was result in endless broken bones, until trying at Thames was out of the question and you’d be a fool to think you’d be respected for it.
Holden’s power waned. His intimidation became no more. But that first year of brutal hell had sustained mental damage in Thames in ways he would go to the grave before admitting.
When you demanded respect, you had to do things. Dear fuck, you had to do things that were far from human and scary even to monsters.
Holden feared Thames, which was why he was this grovelling, pathetic mess. It filled Thames with bitterness. It was so easy to act sorry after the fact. A lot of people did that. They watched you struggle without offering a hand, but once you got out of the hard times it suddenly became how you should have asked for help. It was such utter bullshit because that was what Holden was all about. Sucking up to Thames like he was the next messiah, but he never gave a single fuck back in max. He wound up drowning in his own envy, watching as Thames superseded him in every single way. And now he was acting like he should have been privy to Thames’ personal life? Fuck him and fuck his fake bullshit.
Thames needed to get the fuck out of here.
“I need to borrow a car,” he said.
Holden nodded. “Does it matter what kind?”
“No.”
“You gonna go for a ride or something?”
“Yeah.”
He wasn’t going to elaborate. He wouldn’t offer more than a simple response, a good fuck you to Holden without actually saying it.
He needed this.
He needed privacy.
He needed to go to a quiet place.
“Want me to come with?” the fucker asked. “Just in case, you know, you get pulled over or something.”
Thames studied his tentative face before responding, “I should be fine.”
Nobody asked questions when Thames took off out of there with Drew’s keys to the SUV in hand. Everyone was so busy getting drunk to pay attention. The first thing Thames did when he got into that car was drive as far from that house as possible. He kept going, putting the distance between him and that place like it was chasing him.
But it didn’t matter how far he went; he still felt its claws swoop in from under him, tethering him to it. There was no escape from them unless he said so, and he knew enough to understand walking away from the crew wasn’t something you could just do without repercussions.
He owed them.
He didn’t argue that, either. Because as much of a cunt Holden was bringing him into their world, they had served their purpose and saved him from what he knew was a horrible death. Thames wasn’t a likeable guy, and in a testosterone fuelled place riddled with abusers, murderers and paedophiles, he wouldn’t have lasted long.
You never last long alone. Dominic had warned from the get-go.
Dominic.
Thames briefly shut his eyes, feeling the ache in his chest for the poor soul.
Scattered memories hit him fast and sudden. Dom’s words raced through his mind, overlapping one another.
One.
“Stop with the tough guy act, Thames. We both know why you do it, and it’s nothing to do with your dad.”
After.
“We were just kids. It happened but it’s never really left us, has it?”
The.
“He pleaded to play a different game. Sometimes I ask myself why we didn’t listen to him.”
Next.
“I don’t know what the point of living is anymore, Thames.”
Just yesterday Dominic had grabbed Thames’ shoulder and squeezed tight, begging him to ease his suffering.