Confessions of a Call Center Gal - By Lisa Lim Page 0,90

into a cup, it becomes the cup; you put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle; you put it into a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Water can flow, or it can crash. Be water, my Maddy friend.”

I blink. On impulse, I reach for my bottle of Evian and chuck the contents in his face.

For several seconds, Truong fixes me with a murderous glare as water drips down his cheeks. Suddenly, he lunges forward—

Beep!

He freezes mid-air and I flash him a toothy grin.

“Thanks for calling Lightning Speed Communications. This is Maddy. How can I help?”

“Can you speak up young lady? I cannot hear a word you’re saying,” croaks the caller.

I crank up the volume. Way, way up to its highest setting.

“Thank you for calling. My name is Maddy, what can I do for you?” I say, this time an octave higher.

“I still can’t hear you,” the caller shrills with irritation.

“THANKS FOR CALLING. THIS IS MADDY. HOW CAN I HELP?” I practically yell.

“That’s a little better,” mutters the caller.

Sheesh. And so for the rest of the call, I find myself screaming at the top of my lungs. Why oh why don’t these deaf people get some hearing aids so I don’t have to yell at them? I’m a mild mannered, soft spoken person, and it’s not my nature to yell. And, it’s starting to get to me. All this yelling is so darn exhausting.

I pop a lemon mint Ricola and suck on it to soothe my aching throat.

This job has also made me partially deaf. I can barely hear out of my right ear—the ear my headpiece is glued to for eight hours a day. Sometimes, I hear a sharp ringing sound and I’ve had to amp up the volume on my headset, just so I can hear my callers. And even so, there are times when they sound so far away. Like when you put a seashell up to your ear and listen really hard, you hear the ocean. That’s what some of my calls sound like...big waves crashing against the shore.

Beep!

“Thanks for calling Lightning Speed Communications, this is Maddy. What can I do for you today?”

“I can barely hear you,” says the caller crossly.

I draw in my breath with a hiss. Oh God, no. Not another deaf person. But this is even worse. “I can barely hear you either.” I raise my voice several decibels.

“I need help with my…” The caller’s voice sounds so faded and garbled that I miss half of what he’s saying.

“What did you just say again sir?” I strain my ears to listen.

“What did you just say?” he fires back in an agitated tone.

This goes on for an hour. This exacerbating ridiculosity!

During a brief interval, the caller gasps in surprise, “Oh! I’ve been holding the phone UPSIDE DOWN!”

I slap my forehead.

He chortles, seemingly tickled by this. “And here I thought I was going deaf.”

I find myself laughing deliriously. And here I thought I was going deafer. When I signed up for this job, I knew that being yelled at was par for the course. But I did not anticipate this at all. Having to scream at customers who talk with their phones upside down? Callers who are literally deaf. Deaf I tell you!

And I most certainly did not expect to become deaf myself.

Or partially blind for that matter.

Perhaps this is a sign that I need to move on. I’ve been on the phones for almost a year now, and I feel brain dead. I don’t even have to think anymore and I’m certain I can do my job blindfolded, with both hands tied behind my back. If it wasn’t for the novels I read that bring me a much needed escape, and for Truong’s delightful and enigmatic company, I’d probably die of boredom.

Honestly, my job is so easy that even a monkey could do it.

Actually, a monkey could probably do it better.

And like Tiger Woods, once I’ve conquered something, I get bored and restless and desire to conquer something else. Only difference is, I aim to conquer higher than Tiger does…something other than strippers and Vegas cocktail waitresses.

Plus, Hillary still insists on doing side-by-sides with me, and it’s catapulting me into a nut house.

And there are other issues that irk me, namely having to sell. If I don’t make my sales quotas for three months in a row, I’m fired. Just like that.

So it’s time I jump ship or sink with it.

The words of Barack Obama ring loud and clear in my deaf ear…Change