Concealed Hearts (Hometown Jasper #4) - Nicky James Page 0,59

you. Unlike you, I’m not sorry I took it.” His glare could have melted iron, and I shrank with his words.

Did he think I regretted us? Did I? That was exactly how I’d made it sound. It was mostly how I felt. But was it true?

“Windsor—”

“No. Just… Fine, leave if you think it will make it better. Makes no goddamn difference, though. Outed is outed. If it happens, there’s no slinking back in the closet this time. So the question is, do we make the best of this and hope no one finds out, or do we call it quits right here?”

Our silent stare-off continued for several minutes.

“And if we do keep going?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. “If by some miracle no one finds out, then what? Can we really ever make something of this? What does our future look like? Are we going to hide in a cabin for the rest of our lives? Because as it stands, our entire relationship only exists here,”—I stamped my foot, emphasizing the point—“in this cabin. I’m already going stir-crazy, and it’s only been a few weeks. What happens in September, Windsor? What happens when the summer ends?”

The fight went out of him, and he dropped his chin, shaking his head. It was defeat. “Go pack a bag, Tomi. Get the fuck out of here if that’s what you want.”

He marched across the room to the kitchen, dug a beer out of the fridge, and disappeared onto the back deck.

I stood motionless, unable to sort through the conglomeration of feelings overloading my system. As a teenager, I’d lost the first boy I’d ever loved because of fear, because of my adamancy to hide, because of my inability to be rational. Josiah had never learned how I felt because I’d been too much of a coward to ever tell him. The dread of people finding out who I was had eclipsed everything. I’d destroyed our friendship and our relationship to save myself.

I was selfish and cruel, and not that long ago, Shay had called me on it. Even then, fear had kept me from admitting what I’d done wrong.

Was I doomed to repeat it all? If I packed a bag and returned to BC, then this thing with Windsor was over. I watched him out on the back deck. He leaned against the railing, looking out at the vast mountainous landscape, beer dangling in his hand.

My heart clenched when I considered walking away.

I was too old for this shit. It was juvenile. I didn’t have answers, but I didn’t want to give up either. At some point, I had to stop running and face the truth.

I grabbed a beer and slid open the sliding door leading outside. Stepping up beside him, copying his lean, I asked, “Mind if I join you?”

“I don’t have answers if that’s what you’re looking for.”

“I know. I don’t have them either.” I turned the beer bottle around and around in my hand before glancing at Windsor. “I don’t want to leave. The idea of being outed has tormented me my whole life, but I don’t want to give you up.”

He met my gaze, and for the first time, I saw pain and vulnerability reflected in his hazel eyes. “I don’t want you to go either.”

Chapter Thirteen

Windsor

I couldn’t describe the relief that came with Tomi’s words. Getting outed was not something I wanted, but the idea of losing Tomi upset my balance. We’d only been doing this a short time, but it was enough for me to know we had something pretty special—even if our whole romance existed within a cabin in the mountains.

The most significant barrier was the weight of the secret we carried.

It was no small secret. It had the power to undo us. Ruin us, if we let it.

What would happen if everyone found out? I’d considered it many times over the years, but I’d always backed away from the thought out of fear. My past came back to haunt me, and I’d done all I could to bury it. It was best to ignore my sexuality and avoid unnecessary risks. It was the man I’d chosen to be.

And then there was Tomi.

“Can I tell you something?” His voice was distant, like his mind was far away. Tomi stared across the land in front of us, unblinking.

“Always.”

“I destroyed Josiah in high school. He was more than my best friend. He was my first lover, and when we got caught fooling around, I let