asked one evening.
“If you’ll take them when I leave,” he said.
She nodded. She didn’t want to know when that was. He hadn’t asked her again to go back with him. He didn’t talk about going back to Boston, so she didn’t, either. But she figured he didn’t have many weeks left here.
He finally had to admit that she was well enough to leave. The doctor had made a final examination. The bump had receded on her forehead. The pain still came when she made a sudden movement, but the color was back in her cheeks. Wearing the cleaned and repaired pant suit she’d started out in on that rainy day, she stood and looked around the apartment, her gaze lingering on the balcony where they’d spent so much time.
Josh stood at the door, holding his breath. The pain in his chest made him wonder if he hadn’t broken a few ribs, too. The past weeks had been a taste of what could be, and he wanted more, a whole lifetime more. But if she didn’t feel it, didn’t want it, it was better that he know now. If there was going to be a painful separation, he wanted to get it over with now.
Finally she turned and gave him a bright smile. He exhaled slowly. That was it. Nothing. This magic time had meant nothing to her. Just a brief interlude, an inconvenience. He smiled back, feeling the skin tighten at the corners of his mouth.
He drove her back to Palomar. It was a warm, sunny day, and they drove past the place where she’d gone over the bank. Only a few rocks were left on the road to remind them how slick it had been, to bring back the fear and terror he’d felt looking down through the trees.
They exchanged looks, but he didn’t stop. And he didn’t linger at the farm. He said he’d let her know when he got the report from the geologist on the mine, and she said she’d see him at the bank. He kissed her on the cheek and she turned and hurried into her house.
She went through the rooms, opening windows and airing them out. It was good to be back, good to be able to walk out the front door and into the fields. But at night she set two plates on the table by mistake and suddenly her eyes filled with tears. She put her head down on the kitchen table and sobbed uncontrollably for no reason.
She told herself it was a delayed reaction from the accident. She told herself she’d been holding the tears back all this time. When Josh was around, she had to be brave, but now that she was alone, there was no need. By the second day she admitted it to herself. She was alone and she was lonely.
She didn’t do anything about it, though. What could she do? Tell him she missed him? Tell him she loved him? Loved him, but not enough to go back with him. Not enough to spend the rest of her life pulling weeds from a postage-stamp yard.
When they went to town, she looked for him at the bank, but when she saw him he smiled briefly and hurried away. He must be busy tying things up before he left. He looked worried and harassed. He had circles under his eyes. But then she didn’t look very good, either. She hoped he didn’t notice. Probably not. He never got close enough.
Jacinda got close to him. She told Catherine the truck was fixed. He’d have someone bring it to the market next week. Jacinda was the one who told her when he was leaving.
Out in the berry patch Jacinda looked puzzled. “What is wrong with Señor Bentley that he has not yet asked for your hand in marriage?” she demanded. Catherine didn’t know what to say without unleashing a full-scale argument. “This is the correct way to do it,” she continued, “then take you back with him. Why not?”
Catherine reached across Jacinda to pick a handful of berries. “Perhaps he thinks I wouldn’t go.”
Jacinda pursed her lips. “What nonsense. Anyone can see you love him.”
“Sometimes love isn’t enough. As you know, Mr. Bentley works in the city and lives there, too. You saw his apartment. Can you imagine me in such a place?”
“If you loved him,” Jacinda replied.
“I’m afraid I don’t love him enough for that,” Catherine said slowly.
“There is only one way to find out,” Jacinda said.
Catherine waited, but