it.
By the time I calm down, the sun is setting, meaning Dad will be home before long and I need to get my shit together. Heading into the bathroom, I splash some water on my face then move back into my room, picking up my phone and bringing up Cillian’s name. My thumbs hover over the screen, wanting to type out a message, to pour my heart out to him and tell him how I feel, and what I know is true. There is something special about him and me.
After staring at the screen for an extraordinary amount of time, I back out and instead tap my best friend, Trish, from boarding school, messaging her to ask if she’s free to talk. She calls immediately.
“What’s up? How’s Boston?” she asks and I close my eyes. It’s good to hear her voice. We’ve only texted back and forth since I moved home.
“It’s OK. How’s UCLA?”
“Ugh. I don’t want to talk about it. Let’s just say I’ve been given the roommate from hell. I wish I was back at boarding school rooming with you instead.”
“You know, we were so keen to get out of that place, and now I kind of want to go back.”
“Same. You never believe that high school will be the best years of your life while you’re there. I’ve been at college for less than a month and I’m starting to believe it. How’s the restaurant business?”
“Good and bad. My dad is a bit gung-ho in his efforts to convince me to follow in his footsteps. But at the same time, he’s making it really hard for me to want to stay.”
“You sound stressed. Is everything all right?”
I never could hide anything from her, and I really need to talk this out. I let out a sigh. “It’s just that he has these stupid rules about who I can and can’t talk to,” I explain.
“Oh. Is this about a guy?”
“The guy, really.”
“Wow. I never thought I’d hear you say that. When everyone was going boy crazy at school, you had your nose in a book. But I guess it had to happen eventually.” I can hear the smile in her voice. “What’s he like?”
I lie back on my bed and stare up at the ceiling, but the only thing I can see in my mind is Cillian. “He’s wonderful. Perfect, really. He’s gorgeous, has a wonderful family, and we get along so well. I can talk to him for hours about anything and everything. And it never gets boring.”
“Why am I sensing a ‘but’ here?”
“Because there is one. A huge one.”
“Let me guess; your dad’s rules?”
“He fires employees for dating each other. Says it messes with the family dynamic he fosters among his staff. So, I don’t know… I kind of just want to quit so Cillian and I can see each other. But with the way Dad reacted when he saw me with him, I kind of think he’d fire him anyway, just because he touched his little girl.”
“You’re hardly a little girl anymore,” she points out. “He’s gonna have to realize that someday.”
“You’d think that, wouldn’t you? But I don’t know. Cillian and I were only talking and he kind of freaked out. And Cillian’s on track to becoming head chef, so dating me could ruin his whole career plans. It’s a bit of a mess.”
“Wait. How old is this guy? If he’s on track to be head chef, he’d have to be what? Mid-twenties?”
“Try thirty-three.”
“Jeez, Hazel. No wonder your dad’s freaking out.”
“Don’t you start with the whole ‘I’m too young to know how I feel’ thing, Trish. I couldn’t take it if it came from you too.”
“I’m not. I promise. I’m just worried about you. You’re telling me you’re into some thirty-three-year-old guy, and you sound really upset. Besides your dad getting in the way, has something else happened?”
I close my eyes against the sudden burn pushing at the back of them. “Yes,” I whisper.
“Then why don’t you tell me everything? Maybe we can figure this shit out together,” she says, her voice so kind that I can’t help but spill my guts to her. I tell her about the date that didn’t happen, the dinner with his family, and how miserable I was all week without him. Then I tell her about today, the farm, the strawberry, and the almost kiss. And then I tell her about the way he spoke to me in the car…
“It really hurt me, Trish. Right up until that