hear?’
‘Dad, I heard her having sex. It was so embarrassing, but it was very obvious she was enjoying herself. And Fabio was grunting away and moaning too.’
Henry stared at her in shock. There had never been a time in his life that he had been more embarrassed than he was now. He had no words with which to fill the silence, there was nothing he could say at all.
‘They were at it for ages and then when they stopped, they started again half hour later, the man has amazing stamina. He clearly is an Italian stallion.’
It couldn’t get any worse. His daughter had heard him having sex. She had heard him groaning, moaning, panting and shouting out when he had orgasmed. Twice.
He stood up and moved to the toaster, putting in her favourite crumpets and then flicking on the kettle so she wouldn’t have to see his face which he was sure was burning red.
‘I’m sorry, Dad.’
Henry shrugged, still with no words to say.
‘Do you want jam on your crumpets?’ he finally said, hoping with everything he had that would be the end of it.
* * *
Penny knocked softly on the connecting door, which felt a bit weird considering what she had got up to the night before with her friendly neighbour. There was no answer so she popped her head around the door. There was a noise in the kitchen so she followed it. She smiled when she saw Daisy dancing around as she tidied up, listening to her iPod and singing along, by the sounds of it, to Ed Sheeran.
She walked in and tapped her on the shoulder. Daisy smiled at her and removed her headphones.
‘Hey, I just wanted to wish you good luck today at school. They are going to love you, I promise you that.’
‘Aw thanks,’ Daisy said, throwing her arms around her and hugging her tight. Penny smiled with love for her and hugged her back. ‘I am a bit nervous, but I’m only there for a few hours. I think the worst day will be the first one after Christmas, when they’ll all be staring at me like I’m an animal in a zoo.’
‘You should totally learn to balance a ball on your nose then, that will give them something to talk about.’
Daisy laughed. ‘I’m so excited that Mr Cartwright is going to be my form teacher too, he is so cool.’
‘You will love him, but I bet all the children are going to be cool too.’
Daisy moved back to the table as she wiped it down with a cloth, capturing the crumbs with her hand.
‘So… good date last night?’
Penny stared at her in confusion for a second before she realised what Daisy meant. She felt bad for leading her to believe she was going out with Fabio when she had only been joking with Henry about going out with him.
‘Oh honey, I was only messing around. I didn’t really go out with Fabio. I went for dinner round my friend Maggie’s place. Weirdly, her husband Daniel had invited your dad too and we didn’t know the other was going…’ She trailed off as Henry appeared in the doorway behind Daisy and started gesturing frantically.
‘You went to dinner with Dad?’ Daisy asked in confusion.
Henry was still waving his arms around but Penny had no idea what he was trying to say. ‘Erm, yes.’
‘He didn’t say when I saw him this morning.’
‘Maybe your dad thought that you might think it was a double date, when it definitely wasn’t. It was just weird that Maggie invited me and Daniel invited your dad and they didn’t know.’
‘But… I heard you last night.’
‘You heard me?’
Daisy blushed. ‘Having sex.’
Oh god. Oh no. No, no, no, no, no.
‘I told Dad I heard you and Fabio… at it last night and he seemed really upset.’
Henry had given up gesturing now.
What could she say to rescue this scenario? That Fabio had come round for a late-night booty call? That she’d had incredible sex with Daisy’s dad and all the grunts and moans were in fact him? There was nothing that she could say that would make this horrible situation any better. Suddenly she had a brainwave. It wasn’t the best idea, hell it was probably the worst idea in the history of all ideas, but it was the only thing she had.
‘I wasn’t having sex, Daisy.’
‘But I heard you.’
Penny worked her tongue around her mouth trying to create some moisture. ‘I was watching porn.’
Daisy stared at her in horror. Henry stumbled out