Christmas at Fireside Cabins - Jenny Hale Page 0,90
this better, but there was nothing. This was all her fault, she thought with a sinking heart.
“When your mother left, I was terrified,” Smash suddenly said, turning toward his son.
Theo looked on, bewildered.
“I was terrified that if I was left in charge of you, we’d have a fate like the one we’re in now. You were so much more than I ever was… You’re so smart, always top of your class, well-read… There were so many people who were impressed by you. My producers would say, ‘That boy could be bigger than you if he wanted to be.’ I thought if I could distance myself from you as you were growing up, you’d leave me behind and go on to do great things. I didn’t see anything good coming of me bringing you up.” He stepped nearer to Theo. “I was lucky. I could sing. But you were more than lucky. You had the world at your fingertips.”
Smash sat on the sofa and hung his head. Lila wasn’t sure what to do, so she lowered herself down next to him. When Theo acknowledged her, she nodded for him to listen to what his father had to say. Theo looked down at his dad.
“I didn’t know how to raise a child,” Smash admitted.
“I’d think the first step would be to use honesty, something you haven’t been able to offer to me,” Theo said, sitting down. “Why is that so hard for you?”
“You’re talking about the money,” Smash said.
“Yes.” Theo’s frustration was clear.
“I thought I could build your nest egg,” Smash explained. “I invested in up-and-coming companies, and I believed in them. That was my fault. They ended up sucking us dry. The investments were a terrible move, but I had your best interests in mind. You talked about how you wanted to expand the business, and I knew how much capital you needed to do it. I was trying to find a quick fix to make the money start rolling in. Before I knew it, I was in over my head.” When Smash finished, he looked defeated and tired—nothing like the Smash Perry Lila had seen on TV. “So when you got upset with me, I took the opportunity to cut ties, thinking you’d be better off without me. And I think you probably are. I’m so ashamed by what I’ve done. You didn’t deserve to have a father who would do that to his son. And I’m so sorry about how the media twisted it all. I should’ve set the record straight. I thought it would all just fade away. I was wrong. On so many things.”
“I don’t know what to say.” Theo seemed legitimately lost.
“I’ve lived a hard life, son,” Smash said. “And you were running with this privileged, wealthy crowd—a crowd I’d provided for you with the fame that came from my music—but that’s not who I am. I came from nothing, and I didn’t know how to give you what you need. I failed at every turn.”
“All I needed was your support, Dad,” Theo said. “That’s it.”
“I’m so sorry, son.”
Theo leaned on his knees, his shoulders slumped, looking wounded. “How can I trust any of this?” he asked, shaking his head. “I mean… You were talking to Lawrence Fontaine today. The father of the woman who just chased me for twenty miles. You got an explanation for that?”
“I do,” Smash said.
“Then tell me. I’d love to hear it.”
Lila took Theo’s hand for support, noting the light tremble in his fingers, betraying his nerves.
“Once I’d done it—once I’d pushed you completely away—I went through different stages of emotions. First I felt a terrible sense of loss. I missed you so much. For a while, I told myself that I’d just have to grieve it, and you were better off without me. Then, when I didn’t know where you were, I was worried. I started going to a therapist to deal with the fear. I used what little was left of the sale of our assets and hired a private investigator who found you. I bought a car and started touring again to make money, and I’d come here to Fireside Cabins so I could see you from afar and make sure you were okay. I was biding my time until I felt like I could approach you. I wasn’t sure when, exactly, the right time would be—I’d never navigated anything like this before. But I didn’t want to upset you, and make anything worse between us.”