in a crackly whisper, her emotions getting the better of her. “Because if you didn’t do it, I don’t understand why you won’t let me in, Theo.” She just couldn’t make herself believe that he’d do something like that. She closed her eyes, the phone pressed against her ear, remembering how sweet he’d been with Rex, the way his fingers had rested tenderly in her hand, his safe embrace when he’d taken that horse ride with her… She wasn’t sure why, but his silence suddenly hit her. “I believe in you,” she said.
“What are you talking about?”
She heard him swallow on the other side of the line.
“You didn’t do this. I don’t believe it. And I need you to tell me what you’re thinking,” she pleaded.
He cleared his throat. “I didn’t take the money. They all think I did, but I’ve stopped caring what the public thinks. I shouldn’t have to prove anything to anyone. And you believed me when I hadn’t even defended myself. I’m wondering how you can read me like you do. You’re the first person to ever do that.”
“I need to admit something to you,” she said. “I went into your office, and I found a note about how there’s nothing to worry about legally, and no one can be charged with a crime. What was that?”
“What the hell, Lila!” he boomed. “That wasn’t something you’d just stumble upon—it was in my filing cabinet!”
“I know. I’m so sorry. I was just curious.”
“Those were my personal files. You certainly know a lot about me. Where else did you snoop, huh?”
“Theo. Listen to me, please. I absolutely shouldn’t have gone through your things, and I feel terrible to have done it. But that letter sounded like a cover-up of some sort, and I’m telling you that even having read that, I don’t believe you’ve done anything wrong. Because, while I don’t know the situation you’re in, I know you. And I just couldn’t believe you’d ever do anything to hurt someone. I’m so sorry I went into your files. I’ll never do that to you again. I’ll just ask you my questions outright.”
There was silence on his end.
“Does your dad know the truth?” she continued. “We need to tell him you didn’t take anything,” she suggested. “I can find out from Eleanor when he’s coming back…”
“Lila! No, no, no. You can’t tell my father anything. He cannot know that there’s any way to get in touch with me. I do not want him in my life, and—believe me—you don’t want him in yours. And, as much as it hurts, I can’t have you in my life either because it’s just too risky.”
“You’re talking in circles,” she said, frustrated. “Where are you? I need to see you. I want to talk to you, face to face.”
“Lila, let it go.”
“No,” she said emphatically. “I need to know you’re okay.”
“If you let me live my life and leave me alone, I’ll be okay.”
It pained her to hear that. She sat on the line without speaking, trying to keep the tears from forming; the only sound was his soft breath on the other end. If he didn’t want her in his life, then she’d have to live with that choice. She wasn’t going to beg him. “If that’s what you want,” she said at last, defeated.
“It’s what I want. Goodbye, Lila.”
She couldn’t bring herself to reply, so she just sat there, the ache in her chest making her feel like she couldn’t breathe.
“I hope you meet someone great,” he said, his words sounding genuine.
Then he hung up the phone.
Twenty-Two
The wooden cabin floors were cold under her feet as Lila padded over to turn on the Christmas tree, shivering in the icy air while stifling a yawn. She hadn’t slept well at all last night. Instead, she’d tossed and turned, wondering what he’d meant by it being too risky to be with her. She’d thought about everything she’d wanted to say to Theo now that she’d processed everything. It was pretty clear at this point that he didn’t want to see her, and Lila wasn’t going to try to force the situation. But she couldn’t help the ache it caused her.
Lila’s cell phone intermittently lit up on the counter separating the living area and the kitchen. She went over to view the notification and realized it was a missed call from Theo last night after she’d gone to bed. With tingling electricity shooting through her, she grabbed the phone and dialed his number.