Christmas for Beginners - Carole Matthews Page 0,74
off.’
‘And quite rightly,’ I point out. ‘This is a tough one, Lucas. Accidents happen, now we’re dealing with the fallout.’
‘This is my child we’re talking about,’ he says tightly. ‘Not “fallout”’.
‘You’re right. I didn’t mean that.’
‘We don’t need anyone.’ Now an onion gets chopped into oblivion and flung into the waiting pan. ‘Aurora and I can do this by ourselves.’
‘You can’t.’ I rub my eyes. ‘You’ll need us more than ever.’ It’s going to take a whole network to look after this child and, whether Lucas likes it or not, it will probably be Shelby who ends up funding it. I’m not sure how to approach this, so I blunder in, ‘Have you considered other options?’
He looks at me aghast. ‘You mean get rid of it?’
‘There’s abortion or adoption. Have you even thought about either?’
‘No.’ He’s appalled I could even raise it. ‘Why would I want to kill my own kid or give it to someone else? That’s fucking mad!’
Glancing across at Lucas, I see that tears have welled up in his eyes and my heart unravels. He is going to need our support and love. There’s no putting this genie back in the bottle. Shouting at each other really isn’t going to help either.
‘Come here,’ I say and, without his usual hesitation, he steps into my arms. I hold him tightly. ‘It’ll be OK. It will all be OK.’
‘I want this child,’ he sobs. ‘I feel as if it’s something I can do really well. I want to be the kind of dad that I’ve never had. I want to be around for him – or her – all the time. I love Aurora. She’ll be a great mum. You’ll be like a nana. Can’t you be excited for me?’
How can I tell him of my myriad misgivings? Lucas is so young, so vulnerable. Left to his own devices, I don’t think he could feed himself or get out of bed every day. I’m sure that he has no concept of the new reality a child will bring. Who does? Even the most prepared and mature parent would probably agree that a new baby is like a grenade being thrown into your life. He’s naïve to think that this will be one big adventure. Plus there’s something about Aurora I don’t trust. Can I see her as a mother who wants to stay at home with a child? What if they bring a baby into the world and then their relationship breaks down? I don’t want that for Lucas, Aurora or for the baby. I’d love to be thrilled for them both but, in truth, I’m terrified at what this means for us all.
‘How far gone is Aurora?’
‘Not much,’ he says. ‘Six weeks. I dunno. Something like that. We’ve only just found out.’
But that’s much longer than I imagined they’d been intimate. Lucas swore to me that they hadn’t . . . er . . . ‘fully engaged’. Has he been lying to me about that too? It seems so. Damn. How could I have been gullible enough to believe him?
‘She’s told her parents?’
‘Yeah.’
‘What did they say?’
He wipes his face on his sleeve. ‘They think we’re young and stupid too.’
There’s no doubt that he looks very, very young at the moment standing here before me in tears.
‘We will have to tell your dad,’ I say.
‘Not yet,’ he pleads. ‘Just not yet. Let me enjoy it for a bit before he goes ballistic.’
I sigh and hug Lucas again. I had thought we were making so much progress and now this. Shelby will indeed go ballistic. That’s one thing Lucas has got right.
Chapter Forty-Seven
I serve the students their lunch, but my mind isn’t on the job at all. Lucas sits at the far end of the table, talking to no one. I try my best, but it’s Matt who has to jolly everyone along. If it weren’t for him, lunch would be a very subdued affair.
‘Everything all right?’ Matt asks quietly as we’re clearing away.
‘I’ll tell you later. When everyone’s gone.’ I don’t want this getting out until Shelby knows, but I feel I can confide in Matt and, goodness knows, I need to tell someone. Bev would usually be my first port of call, but how can I burden her with even more than she’s already dealing with at the moment?
It’s late afternoon when Shelby calls. Obviously no matinee today.
‘Hey,’ he says. ‘How are you?’
I can’t tell you how pleased I am to hear his voice. ‘All the better for