Christmas for Beginners - Carole Matthews Page 0,73
like a baby lamb to make the heart melt. ‘Yay! We’re going to have a baby!’
‘That’s kind of what I wanted to talk to you about,’ Lucas says, kicking at the hay on floor.
‘Had you noticed too?’
He looks at me appalled. ‘What? The sheep? No.’
‘Then . . . ?’ And, a moment too late, the penny drops. So does my stomach. And my heart. And my spirits. ‘Oh, Lucas.’
‘You should be pleased,’ he says fiercely. ‘I am.’
I need to sit down, drink hot, sweet tea, put a cushion over my head. Instead, I continue to stare at Lucas, unspeaking.
‘Say something,’ he prompts. ‘Anything!’
‘Oh, Lucas.’ My head is shaking from side to side and I can’t stop it. Anything but this.
We stand looking at each other. Me growing paler as I consider the implications, Lucas getting redder as he waits for my response.
But I have no words, nothing. Shelby will be furious. Of course he will. And I’m – supposedly – Lucas’s guardian. How can I have let this happen on my watch?
I look again at Lucas. He looks thrilled and terrified in equal measures. A child yet a man. Oh, God. He needs my support now more than ever.
When I finally manage to find my voice, all I can offer is, ‘I’ll put the kettle on, shall I?’
‘That’s it?’ Lucas snaps. ‘I drop this F-bomb on you. I’m going to be a father and all you can offer is tea?’
‘Right now, I can’t think of anything else, Lucas,’ I say honestly.
‘Fuck,’ he grumbles, dropping the more usual F-bomb.
So we walk back to the tea room in stony silence while, in my head, I try to stop my thoughts from tumbling erratically and work out what on earth to do.
Chapter Forty-Six
The kids are arriving by the time we reach the yard, so I turn to Lucas and say, ‘We can’t do this now. We’ll have to discuss it later.’
‘This is important,’ he snaps.
‘I am fully aware.’
He huffs at me and marches off across the yard while I look helplessly after him. What else am I to do? I have no idea how to deal with this news and need some time to process it.
On autopilot, I sort the students out for the day and take them up to Matt in the workshop to help him. Even though my difficult conversation with Lucas is delayed, it hasn’t helped me to get my head round the situation. To the casual observer, I might look vaguely in control, yet thoughts are crashing round my brain, scattered and random.
When I go back into the tea room to prepare for lunch, Lucas is waiting. Mud on his wellies, scowl on his face. I can put off our talk no longer and I’m still no wiser as to how I’ll tackle this.
‘There’s veg to chop if you want to help me.’ I go into the kitchen and nod towards the menu. Lucas follows me.
‘Bev has decreed that we’ll have Mexican wraps today.’ So I pull peppers of every colour out of the fridge and hand Lucas a knife. We stand side by side at the counter with our pile of veg. Neither of us do anything.
‘We’re keeping it,’ is his opening gambit. ‘No matter what you say.’ Then he chops furiously at the red pepper on the board.
‘Do you love her?’ I ask.
‘Of course,’ he snaps, defensively.
‘And she feels the same about you?’
‘Yes.’
‘You’ve known each other such a short amount of time,’ I point out. ‘You should be having fun together.’ Though maybe one could argue, they’re in this mess because they’ve had a little too much ‘fun’. ‘This is a huge commitment.’
‘You think I don’t know that?’
I put down my unused knife and turn to him. ‘No. I don’t think you do.’ I take a deep breath before adding. ‘It’s very easy to say you’re going to keep the baby, but have you thought of the practicalities? Where will you live? How will you pay for a child? You earn very little here, Lucas, and Aurora is at college. Babies are bloody expensive.’
‘We’ll manage!’
‘How?’ I shout back at him in the face of his obstinacy.
‘I don’t know!’ He shouts louder.
I’m not handling this well. I need Shelby here and I need him now. ‘Have you told your dad?’
‘No.’ Lucas looks panicked. ‘You can’t tell him.’
‘I might be able to cover up your appearance at a poetry slam, but you’re not going to be able to keep a baby secret.’