Christmas for Beginners - Carole Matthews Page 0,20
someone is me?’ he asks.
‘You know how it is here,’ I counter. ‘This was my life long before you came into it. I can’t just turn my back on it.’
‘Is there any chance that one day I’ll come first or will it always be the animals?’
I can’t answer that in the way that Shelby wishes and we both know that. I’d love to be able to say that it was different, but I can’t give up everything I’ve worked for. It’s too much to ask of me. ‘Could we not just carry on the way we are? For now?’
‘I love you.’ Shelby pulls me close to him and kisses my hair. ‘I want to be with you.’ But he doesn’t sound happy when he says it.
‘I love you too.’
‘That’s all right then,’ he teases. ‘We’ll work it out, somehow.’
Then he kisses me properly and my head swims and everything else melts away. My worries drift away into the night sky. When I’m in Shelby’s arms I feel that, together, we can overcome any difficulties.
Chapter Thirteen
Shelby spends the night and we make love. It’s fine – more than fine – and I feel it brings us closer together. There’s a gentle intimacy that we haven’t shared for a while and, when he says he loves me, I believe him. But when he turns over and goes to sleep, I spend the rest of the night wide awake with my head against his shoulder, holding him tight while he sleeps. I want to hold him here for ever, but I don’t know if I can.
In the morning, long before dawn, he kisses me briefly before he dashes back to the studio. I saddle up and go out to feed the animals, who are slightly startled at me appearing so early. Even Little Dog struggles to keep his one eye open and he’s usually full of beans at any time of day.
‘I know it’s early, guys,’ I explain to the sheep. ‘I couldn’t sleep.’
Yet, whatever the hour, they’re all still happy to eat.
Much later, when I’m back in the caravan and having my breakfast, Lucas appears. His mop of black hair is dishevelled and will stay like that for the rest of the day, but I’m hardly one to criticise his lack of grooming.
‘Has he gone?’
‘Yes. Your dad had an early call. He asked me to say goodbye.’
Lucas rolls his eyes. ‘He can’t even do that himself?’
‘He didn’t want to wake you. Should he have come into your room at four o’clock?’
Lucas decides not to answer that and instead grabs himself some cereal and slides into the seat opposite me. ‘You’ve done the morning feed?’
‘Yes, even the animals were surprised at how early I was up.’
He does smile at that. ‘What’s on today?’
‘We’ve got Wendy the Winky Washer coming.’
Lucas’s eyes widen. ‘I don’t even want to ask what that is.’
‘We have a lady who comes to clean the horses’—’
He holds up a hand. ‘That’s gross. I’m eating my breakfast!’
‘You asked.’
‘Is that even a job?’ Lucas’s face bears an expression of morbid fascination. ‘Why would someone willingly do that?’
I laugh. ‘You can watch, if you like.’
‘No, I wouldn’t like.’ He tuts his disgust. ‘The joys just keep on coming at this place.’
‘Every day is a school day,’ I agree. ‘Just google . . .’
Lucas cuts me off. ‘No. I will not. I’m not googling anything. There are some things in life you don’t need to see.’
‘When you first came here, you struggled with grooming the horses. Now, it’s second nature. Look how far you’ve come.’
‘There are some things I draw the line at.’ Lucas gives a theatrical shudder. ‘I’d be permanently scarred.’
Sometimes, he’s more like his father than he thinks.
‘How much does she charge for . . .’ He can’t even bring himself to say it.
‘Twenty pounds a horse. More if they’re . . . um . . . bigger.’
‘Seriously?’ He’s horrified. ‘I’d want SO much more.’
Then we both crack up and laugh together. I do love Lucas when I can make him forget he’s supposed to treat everything with disdain.
‘We’ve got quite a few students in today,’ I continue when we’ve finished giggling. ‘Anna, the Arts and Crafts teacher, is coming in too. You can help with that, if you like. She might want to make some natural decorations. If it’s dry, the students could go out into the fields to collect some holly.’