Christmas for Beginners - Carole Matthews Page 0,19
lift a finger.’
‘I like my van,’ I remind him. ‘I love it.’
‘I should never have bought it for you.’
‘You should. Lucas and I are both very comfortable here. It has all we need.’
Look at this place. The vast expanse of unbroken sky, the glitter of stars above us. There’s not a sound here at night except for those of nature. When there’s not a full moon it’s as black as pitch. Why would you ever want to be anywhere else?
‘Is Lucas happy?’ Shelby asks. ‘I can never tell.’
‘He’s as happy as any highly sensitive teenager can be. But, yes, he loves it here too and I know he doesn’t like to talk about it, but he’s doing so well with his studies.’
‘He doesn’t want to talk about anything with me,’ Shelby complains.
‘I know. It’s not easy to get Lucas to open up.’ I’ve bought a firepit and we both like to sit out at night in our deckchairs, staring into the flames – or, more likely, Lucas at his phone. We don’t talk much, but sometimes you don’t need to. I wish Shelby could get that.
‘Does he have friends?’
‘Yes,’ I say, cautiously. I’m not going to break Lucas’s trust and tell Shelby about Aurora who seems to be the new girlfriend-not-girlfriend.
An owl hoots in a nearby tree and wild rabbits dart for their burrows when they see us approach. In the far field, there’s the sound of a diminutive Muntjac deer barking and the dogs prick their ears. When they realise that he’s no threat, they return to their sniffing.
‘I have no idea what’s going on in his life.’
‘He tells me very little too,’ I admit. ‘He’s a private person. You have to cherish the rare days when he is in a chatty mood.’
‘And I’m never here to catch those.’
‘You do the best you can. I know that. You have a lot of demands on your time.’
‘I’m not sure that my son sees it like that,’ Shelby says sadly. ‘I feel as if I’m in the way when I come here.’
‘You’re not.’ I’m horrified that he should think that way. ‘Never think that.’
‘You and Lucas have formed such a tight bond that I feel as if I’m encroaching into your special little bubble.’
‘That’s not how it is at all.’
‘I confess that I’m a little jealous of how well you two get along.’ He laughs but I realise there’s a kernel of truth in his words. ‘I feel surplus to requirements. I never expected that you’d become so involved in his life.’
‘Aren’t you glad that I care for him?’
‘God, yes. I know that these things don’t always go as smoothly. But he’s close to you in a way that we lost when his mum died. You don’t know how sad that makes me.’
‘Lucas might not show it, but we’d both love to have you here more often.’
‘I can’t move in here, Molly,’ he says. ‘I like the animals well enough, but I don’t love them like you do. I am trying but, as yet, I don’t think it’s cute when I wake up with a dog’s bottom on my face.’
‘The dogs never come into the bedroom.’ My lover gives me side-eye. ‘Hardly ever,’ I correct. ‘I’m also trying. I do understand that while I’ve been brought up on a farm, getting up close and personal with animals is a new thing for you.’
Even on Flinton’s Farm, Shelby is kept well away from the animals with a body double standing in for him when contact is necessary.
‘I want us all to be together,’ Shelby says. ‘Be a family.’
‘Lucas loves living here and so do I.’
He sighs at me. ‘I can’t leave the manor standing empty for much longer. I have to do something. It’s costing me too much money. I’m thinking of renting it out and getting a place nearer to the studios. I might even sell it.’
I know that will be a wrench for him as it was the family home he built with his late wife, Susie. I do appreciate that it means a lot and why. I’m only sad that I can’t share it with him. But it’s not for me. It could never be my home. It’s too huge, too tidy, too pristine. It terrifies me.
‘I have to be on-site for the animals,’ I say. ‘Look at tonight’s goaty crisis. Dumb could have been seriously hurt if I hadn’t been on hand. There’s always someone who needs my attention.’