nothing.
“Punish the girl accordingly, Brother Carlson,” Prophet Childs says. “Otherwise you will lose all there is. Your children. Your wives. And your place in heaven.”
No one says a word. The air in the room is too heavy to shoulder. I stagger beneath it, falling onto the sofa.
“Punish her.”
“I believe,” Father says, and I can’t see his face when he speaks, “that she’s learned her lesson already.”
Prophet Childs is quiet. “You have just this one chance,” he says after a bit, “to make things right with God Almighty.”
Mother Claire slips next to Father. She takes his hand, hardly making a move to do it. Mother Victoria stands next to Mother Claire. They are a line of bodies in front of me.
“Make her speak to you,” Prophet Childs says, “then you might change your mind about the sin she has brought upon you all.”
He leaves without shutting the door behind him.
There is no sound in the house except for the ticking of a clock. Emily wanders in from outside.
“I saw the Prophet,” she says to Mother Victoria, hugging her mother with both arms.
She sees me on the sofa. “Oh, Kyra,” she says. “Jesus wants you to know he’ll take care of you.”
Her words give me courage.
“Sit beside me, Emily,” I say. She does. I take a breath. “I have to tell you something, Father.”
I tell them about Joshua and me with Prophet Childs. I tell them how he was beaten. How he came by that night to tell me good-bye. I tell them I love him.
I leave out the parts where we kissed.
Leave out how we held hands.
Leave out how I would go to him right now, right now, if he came back for me.
If looks could melt, I’d be a goner. And not because they are angry at me. They are so shocked that all three stand looking down at me with their mouths open. Emily gives me a pat pat pat.
Mother Claire finds her way to her rocker and sits down. Mother Victoria just stares at me. Then she says, “Oh no, Kyra. Oh no.”
Father shakes his head. Just keeps shaking his head. His eyes close and when he opens them again, he’s still shaking his head. And Mother Victoria is a broken record, saying the same thing over and over. “Oh no. Oh no no nonononono.”
“I didn’t mean it,” I say, holding my hands out to them like they might give me forgiveness if I wait long enough.
“Don’t you understand?” Father says. “All the times we’ve met together as a family? The way we’ve taught you to be wise. How could you do this?”
Mother Claire rocks. The chair lets out a slight squeaking sound. She looks away. “They’re watching us now,” she says. Then she glances at me, and in that look I know she understands what it is like to be in the eye of the Prophet.
Pat pat pat goes Emily’s hand.
“Watching you and me and your mothers and your brothers and sisters,” Father says. His voice is low.
“You’ve turned their attention to us,” Mother Claire says. Still staring away.
I look out the window to our trailer, to where Mother lies sleeping. She has no idea. My whole face hurts. My back hurts. Everything hurts. Nothing I can say will fix what I have done. Nothing.
“They’ll watch you forever, Kyra.” Father’s voice is worn out. Old. I think he might cry again, but he doesn’t. But I know the way he feels, the fear he feels, is because of me. All because of me. “They’ll watch you till they know you’re broken.”
“This,” Father says, and he motions to me, “this is just the beginning.” His voice cracks. “Kyra.”
I put my arms around my father, even though it hurts to move like this. Emily moves to comfort him. Now she is pat pat patting him. Together we sit on the sofa.
“Let’s not tell Sarah for a while, okay?” Father says.
The sun starts to set, and the room where we all are grows dim. Jackson comes to the door and says that everyone’s hungry. Mother Claire says soon, they’ll eat soon.
When the door closes behind him, I say, “We could all go.” My words are low to the floor. But they rise up some, float around our ankles. “All of us, Father. The whole family. We could leave.”
The words move up up up until everyone hears them. Something close to excitement flitters in my chest. “I know we could make it, if it was all of us. All of us,