she was getting suspicious. But Kate never came downtown to visit and had never met Stacey. Kate was busy too, Tammy often worked late, and traveled frequently. There was always a plausible excuse for Kate not to come to Tammy’s apartment and it was easier for Kate if Tammy came uptown, which she was willing to do. As a result, she had no idea that Stacey was still living there, and even less that they were partners. No one in Tammy’s family had ever suspected it. She didn’t fit the stereotype of what they thought a gay woman would look like. They just thought that Tammy worked too hard to date, which was what she told them, and they believed her. She had lived a lie with them for most of her life, and for the last seven years with Stacey. They had met at an extremely discreet forum for gay women in business.
“It’s pretty amazing that I still haven’t made the cut after seven years,” Stacey said, looking discouraged.
“I haven’t made it after thirty-two.” When she had first met Stacey she had promised to tell her family, but she’d never had the guts to do it. It was just simpler not to rather than having to deal with their reaction. Tammy was certain they would never understand or accept the relationship. “You know what my family’s mantra is. Be perfect at everything. My mother is. My brother and sister are. They think I am.”
“You are perfect.” Stacey smiled at her. “You can’t be gay and perfect?”
“I don’t think so. My grandmother would probably survive it, but I don’t think my mother would. She would take it as some kind of personal failure. My poor grandmother is always worried about me being an old maid.”
“I’d like us to get married one of these days, and have a baby.” She kissed Tammy when she said it and Tammy liked the idea too. “Do you suppose they’d let me come to the wedding?” Stacey teased her.
“Not a chance. We could hire some actor as a beard to be the groom, and you could pretend to be my maid of honor.” It was sad for both of them, not being able to be open with Tammy’s family, but she couldn’t see it happening. Stacey had made peace with her own family when she was in college, they were crazy about Tammy, and she liked them too. Her family was educated and warm. They were unpretentious people from the Midwest. Her father was a general practitioner in a small town, and her mother had been a nurse. They had known she was gay since her teens, and accepted it. Tammy’s family were sophisticated New Yorkers but much less open-minded than Stacey’s and Tammy knew they would be shocked.
Stacey was more obviously gay than Tammy. Most of her patients were aware of it and didn’t care. She loved wearing very elegant men’s shoes, which Tammy bought her at John Lobb in Paris. She wore them with well-tailored jeans, beautifully made men’s shirts, and tweed jackets she bought in London. Tammy’s look was ultra-feminine and pure Chanel. She was always drop-dead chic, representing the brand, which made it all the more relaxing to live in old shorts and faded T-shirts and ripped jeans in Maine. Stacey’s hair was short and prematurely gray, and Tammy’s was long and blond like her mother’s.
They spent the rest of the day packing and getting ready for their trip. They did errands in the neighborhood, and bought a stack of books they both wanted to read. They were a consummately harmonious couple and complemented each other, and couldn’t wait to spend two weeks in Maine together.
Tammy still intended to tell her family about Stacey one day. She hadn’t entirely given up on it, she just didn’t see how or when she would do it. There would have to be an opportune moment, and there hadn’t been one so far, in seven years. They used to fight about it. Now Stacey hardly ever mentioned it, except at times like Kate’s birthday, or Christmas and Thanksgiving. She went home to her own family for the holidays, it was too depressing waiting around the apartment for Tammy to come back from family festivities she wasn’t invited to. She was Tammy’s dark secret, and a well-kept one. Tammy never slipped. They had separate phone lines and used their cellphones anyway. And Kate would never drop in on Tammy unannounced. It didn’t even occur