him.
“Tomorrow you’ll figure out where they are. I don’t think my uncle will show up until the day after tomorrow, so I can help you look for them. Buenos Aires is big, but I’m sure we’ll find them,” Andrea said.
“Thank you, Andrea. But maybe we should give up. The officer on the boat said there were shelters for Jewish children. We can stay at one of those and wait until they find us. If they get in touch with our friend in France, Mr. Perrot, he’ll tell them we’re here.” It seemed a reasonable conclusion to Jacob, who was out of ideas.
“Well, still, we’ll go back to the café tomorrow afternoon,” Andrea insisted. Then he grabbed another piece of bread and started nibbling it.
They went to the bathroom on their way out of the dining hall, and by the time they got to their dormitory most of the bunk beds were already occupied. The sounds of breathing, coughing, gas being passed, and snoring reached them. They went to their bunks and lay down.
“Jacob,” Moses said, “can I sleep with you?” Jacob climbed down from the top bunk and lay down next to his brother. Moses was breathing hard, and his cheeks were wet with tears.
“I can’t take it anymore. I can’t take it. I just can’t take it,” he said over and over.
Joseph sighed. “Andrea’s right. We should try one last time. Steins never give up. You’re a Stein, aren’t you?”
“Yes.”
They put their arms around each other. Though they were no longer at sea, they still felt the waves rocking the boat, the ocean one great lullaby. They had been on their own for so long that sometimes Jacob believed they would never see their parents again. He prayed a short prayer that night. He did not know whether he should address the God of the Jews or the God of the Christians—he had hardly ever learned to pray—but he asked that God would help them find their parents. When he finished, he had the sensation that somehow, all throughout their long, lonely journey, they had never been fully alone.
Chapter 32
Buenos Aires
September 11, 1943
The Stein brothers let the clock run down as they wandered aimlessly in the hotel yards and stared unseeingly at the river. Andrea had a hard time shaking them out of their lethargy. How were these boys willing to throw it all away when they were so close?
“The hardest fall an athlete will take is right before the finish line, but they get up again and finish the race,” he said to bolster them.
Jacob thought back to all the people who had sacrificed themselves for him and his brother. He thought about Vipond’s dying in order to get them across the French border. He felt wickedly selfish. Why had he dared challenge fate? Why had he not settled for mere survival like the rest of the human race?
Those months had held betrayal, unconditional love, disdain, falling in love, and the abyss of loss. He was no longer the boy who had left Paris hoping for a brighter future, longing to be reunited with his family. Now he was almost an adult struggling desperately to hold on to the final sparks of hope.
After the noon meal, Jacob and Moses changed their clothes and looked for Andrea, whom they soon found playing cards with some of his countrymen. At first Andrea paid them little attention, but he eventually left the cards and walked with them to the trolley.
“I didn’t want to come today. I know you’re down in the dumps, which is why you can’t see how lucky you’ve been. You managed to escape from the Nazis, you went across an entire country in the middle of a war, and you managed to cross an international border and a whole ocean. You’ve got each other and, besides, sooner or later, you’re going to find your parents. I’m all alone. I don’t know if I’ll ever see my family again or if I’ll ever go back to Italy.” For the first time they heard sadness in their new friend’s voice, his confident vigor dissipating with the smoke of his cigarette.
“I’m sorry,” Jacob said, sighing. “You’re right. Though you have to understand what a blow it was to not find them yesterday. We were so hopeful. I’ve imagined it a thousand times . . .”
“Of course I understand, but life isn’t the sum of our expectations. It’s the outcome of our decisions. If you’ve decided to find them, nothing’s going to