were right: He had been a fool. He deserved to be left at church without a ride. He deserved to lie practically immobile in a hospital bed, at the mercy of others. He had been chasing illusions, youthful follies, while the best opportunity he had ever stumbled upon had been in front of him, his for the taking. It was an error as great, he thought, as running by a twenty-dollar bill lying on the ground, in his haste to get to a final-reduction clothing sale, where nothing remained in his size. Yes, he had been a big fool!
The next action that Bill took may appear unsurprising. It would seem he was compelled to it by his circumstances. Dire need can force us to take a different course of action than we would have considered before, and to Bill, the risk of going to a nursing home was a dreadful danger indeed. The extremity of his dislike for spending six months in such a place would easily seem to alter his mind, so that he now greeted willingly an option that not long ago he would have held in the fiercest detestation.
But a deeper, surprising change had begun in Bill, spurred by Stan’s advice and his own reflections, which is as rare as it is wonderful. Although events may force us to take actions, which we would have previously avoided, our customary feelings are not so easily altered and seldom reversed. A change of heart, an opening of our feelings for others, who were not close before, may be the most difficult accomplishment for any person of any age, because it must come from within. It can’t be wrung or coaxed from us by powers outside, even when there is a mortal threat. As difficult as it was, Bill underwent the beginning of such a change now. His fears, his shame, his regret, and sadness so softened his heart, scarred with greed and stinginess and hurt, that a little seed of real affection sprouted.
A couple of tears glided down his cheeks, as he hoped there was still a chance that the twenty-dollar bill he had run past before was still lying on the ground for him to pick up.
He pressed the button to call for a nurse. After a few minutes of waiting, since there was a nursing station near his room, he called out rather quietly, “Nurse.”
A minute later, he called more loudly, “Nurse.”
After another minute, he howled, “Nurse!”
“I’m not deaf,” said the nurse, whose name was Gwen, bustling into his room. “No need to holler. It just so happens there are other patients here. You all seem to think this is some kind of fancy, five-star hotel, where I should come running every time you blink. But I ain’t ever seen one of you tip for room service. When that happens, it will be a blessing from the Lord! Now, how may I help you?” Despite the constant pressures of her job, Gwen, who was in her forties, tried to perform more than her duties demanded and was something of a busybody, although she always had her patients’ best interests in mind.
“I want to make another call.”
Gwen picked his Blackberry up off the nightstand and scrolled through the new messages. “There’s a message from Linda,” she said. That was the only new message that she thought worth mentioning. “‘Let’s go vacation in China. Hike Great Wall.’”
“Tell her I’m in a coma,” he grumbled. “No, don’t,” he said upon a second thought. “She might come to try and cure me. Delete it. Now dial the number for Helen in the contact list, with George in parentheses behind it.”
“I hope George doesn’t mind,” she said, with a whiff of suspicion.
“He’s dead.”
“Then he shouldn’t,” was her crisp reply. She felt much better about proceeding and held the phone next to Bill’s head, after dialing the number.
“Helen,” his voice wavered, caught with emotion, when she answered. “This is Bill.”
Helen briskly asked him what he wanted. Her feelings were not fluttering like his, and she wanted to end the call quickly. She thought he had little to say and nothing she wanted to hear.
“Helen, I...I,” he stuttered. “Can...Can you...” The chaos of his conflicting emotions and thoughts, as he struggled to act differently than he had in the past—his desire still caught in the vice of former habits and held back by his timidity—caused new tears to trickle from his eyes and snot to drip from his nose.
Gwen grabbed a tissue and clamped