reading the words out loud, ‘Congratulations, Miss Mason.’
Jumping off my seat, I kissed the letter thanking my lucky stars I had been accepted into Yale. Never in my wildest dreams had I ever thought this would happen, and even though I knew Gran had done or said something to the gods of Yale, I welcomed this acceptance exactly as I would have if I had been accepted in the first round.
“Honey, you did it. What a great achievement.”
“I can’t believe I got into Yale. This is… just wow!”
“This is your path. Trust it in all its glory. Big things are going to happen from this, you mark my word.”
She was right, as always, and that night I lay in bed unable to contain the excitement over where my life was choosing to turn.
Yale, I still couldn’t believe it.
It was one in the morning, and sleep evaded me. I was feeling slightly ill, but I kept passing it off as excitement. It was a new chapter of my life, and no matter what, I had to move on. The possibilities were endless, and for a brief moment, I wondered what he was doing. Was he with her? What did it matter anymore? I was going to Yale. Fist-pumping the air, I couldn’t believe my lucky stars. I turned over, falling asleep, dreaming of this new life I was about to embark upon.
The next morning, I sat there quietly staring at the bowl of cereal which looked like a pile of vomit.
“Honey, is everything okay? You look awfully pale today.”
“Yeah, um, sure… just didn’t get much sleep… you know, too excited.”
“Well, eat up, and then let’s take you to Dr. Flannigan, just to make sure everything’s okay?” Worried, she pushed a strand of hair away from my face.
“Gran, I’m fine… now. Just the cereal looks… can you please move it away?”
It was too late, I projectile vomited into the kitchen sink, stupid nerves. Now she would definitely send me to the doctor. What was it with old people and their obsession with visiting the doctor for the tiniest little thing? I knew it was just nerves, that’s all.
“Oh, honey, don’t think you’re getting out of it now.”
An hour later, we sat in the waiting room. Dr. Flannigan, who turned out to be a she, called my name. Gran offered to wait in the waiting room, so I walked in unsure of what exactly I was being tested for.
“Miss Mason.”
“Charlie, please.”
“Charlie. Your grandmother tells me you haven’t been sleeping well, and you’ve been vomiting.”
“Well, the sleeping thing was due to other circumstances, and the vomiting only happened once.”
“Charlie, have you been having unprotected sex?”
“Um, no… I haven’t even been having sex.”
“When was the last time you had intercourse?”
Oh shit, were we really going there?
I didn’t want to drudge up the memory. I closed my eyes for a brief moment, trying to block out the memory of our last time on the cliff top.
“I don’t know… like two months ago.”
“Did you use protection?”
“Uh yeah, I was on the pill back then.”
“Back then?”
“Yes, I stopped sometime after that.”
I didn’t like where this was going. My heart was beating fast, and I wanted nothing more than to stop speaking. I placed my clammy hands on my thighs, rubbing the palms of my hands along my jeans with a slight tremble.
Where was she going with this?
“Charlie, would you mind urinating into the cup?”
Dr. Flannigan placed a cup in front of me. I grabbed hold of it, barely making my way to the restroom just outside her office. The anxiety had consumed me as I struggled to pee. This cannot be happening. Sitting on the toilet, I knew I only had moments before she would check up on me.
I wracked my brain. I was always on the pill back then. No, we didn’t use condoms, but I was on the pill. Teen pregnancy was the hottest topic in high school. I wasn’t stupid. I was always mindful of taking the fucking pill every night before bed, except that one night—the night that I found out about the baby.
Back inside her office, I handed the specimen to her as she dipped a thin cardboard strip into it. I couldn’t look, instead staring at a herpes chart that hung on the wall.
Oh my God, STDs?
I was so fucking stupid.
No, Charlie, don’t do this to yourself.
He said he wasn’t sleeping with her, and you believed him.
God knows how many other people he had slept with. I realized in that moment it