to Abby’s grandmother’s house and walk in before Abby does to check out the place. Isaiah’s staying on the front porch to act as guard. A quick glance around, Nadia places her finger to her mouth then points to Abby’s grandmother, who has nodded off in the hospital bed in the front room. I wave Abby in and she drops her bag to the ground and heads straight for her grandmother.
Abby told me and Isaiah everything her father said on the ride back to Louisville and when she ran out of things to say, she rested her temple against the window and watched the world race past. She looked alone and lost and she’s breaking my heart.
“How is she?” Abby asks.
“Tired.” Nadia offers a safe answer. Her eyes flicker from me to Abby and when they rest back on me, she tilts her head to let me know she’s heading to the kitchen. I nod that Abby and I are good.
Abby perches herself on the edge of the bed and takes her grandmother’s hand. “Grams, I need you to wake up for me.” She waits a few seconds then tries again in a louder voice. “Grams, please wake up.”
“Abby,” I start, but then her grandmother’s eyes flutter open.
Abby smiles and pushes her hair behind her ears. “Hi, Grams.”
The old woman’s eyes widen and she looks wildly about the room.
“It’s me. It’s Abby. I’ve missed you.”
Abby’s grandmother turns her head now and I shift, feeling uncomfortable. She’s searching for something familiar and it’s going to kill Abby that Abby isn’t who she remembers.
“I saw Dad,” she says. “He misses you, too.”
Abby’s grandmother’s voice cracks, but she doesn’t say anything intelligible, but does move her other hand to cover Abby’s. It’s the same type of movement a child waking from a bad dream would do—reach out to the nearest adult, to the one who can scare the monsters away.
“Can I read to you, Grams?” Abby grabs the book off the table, and I decide to wait with Isaiah on the front porch. I can’t stick around and watch Abby say goodbye.
The old door groans when I open it and it groans again when I shut it. Isaiah has his hip cocked against the railing and watches me as I mirror his position on the other side of the ramp.
“I keep trying to figure out another way this can end, but I can’t find the solution,” I say.
“Not sure there is one,” Isaiah answers. “Choices like the ones Abby made have consequences. None of them pretty. Sucks, because you figured out where you stand.”
“I love her.”
Isaiah nods and we stare out on the quiet neighborhood and the tranquil world Abby and her father had created. When I first came here, I thought this life was Abby’s lie and now I realize that the drug dealer was the front.
“You did good, man,” Isaiah offers. “Not too many guys would be firm enough in themselves to love her like you did.”
“Running into an alley? Any of us would have done that.”
“Naw, guys are good at running in, but most of the time, they run back out when things get rough and before the job is done.” Isaiah meets my eyes. “You gave up your darkest secret to save her. Takes a strong guy to love like that. Takes a guy who knows who he is.”
I mull over Isaiah’s words as I watch a bird fuss over a nest in the tall maple in the front yard. When I first met Abby, Dad was right, I didn’t have a clue who I was, but throughout the past months of knowing Abby, the past few weeks, the past few days, I figured it out.
I may not have a clue what I want to do with the rest of my life like West, Chris, Noah, Ryan, and Isaiah, but as I try to figure it out, at least I’ll know who I already am. Because what I do for money, what is going on with my health, is only a portion of who I am—not the entire picture.
“There has to be another way for Abby to get out of drug dealing than for her to disappear,” I rephrase the statement from before. “Another way that doesn’t mean her leaving.”
Isaiah stays silent and it’s the kind that’s like being at the end of the funeral and nobody wants to leave. He’s losing his sister. I’m losing the girl I’m in love with. Unless we come up with a better