Chasing Him - Kat T. Masen Page 0,90
Julian to caress my face, we talk in whispers allowing Andy to get some much-needed sleep.
“There are so many questions…” I trail off.
“And so many answers,” he returns.
“What happened the night of the party? I still don’t understand what changed?”
“Plain and simple… those parties are full of crack addicts. My dealer was there.”
It all makes sense now. Julian is strong-willed, but we all have our weaknesses, and if I didn’t lash out with my jealousy, we could’ve talked it through.
“I pushed you when I should’ve listened to you.”
“Yes, you did, but the truth is that I’m so in love with you that I can’t think rationally. With Lex present, Charlie, and my dealer, the scene was too familiar. It was almost like I was afraid of the past rearing its ugly head. When you came to see me, and I was with Charlie, it was only because my dealer was trying to corner me. I was attempting to look happy and distracted because if he knew I was weak or even thought for a moment I had issues, he’d be all over me so fast, you and I would be back to square one.”
“You can’t resist it if it’s in front of you?”
He stays silent, and I don’t want to push him further.
“Your brother saved me today from possibly making that mistake again.”
“So, then you’re even,” I state, not expecting a response.
“I want to make one thing clear. I haven’t touched the stuff in over a year, but I’m not as strong as you think I am, and that lady at the bar the other night, she is my rehab counselor.”
Wow, how easily I misconstrue things. And how very relieved I am.
“You’re in rehab?”
“I’m not staying in a rehab clinic, but I attend weekly meetings with specialized counselors who help me move forward. I want to be a better person for you, Andy, and most importantly, myself,” he admits.
With his palm resting on my face, I move his fingers toward my mouth and kiss the tips gently.
For now, the nightmare is over.
***
A week had passed since that dreadful day when Andy went missing, and Mary Jean took her own life. Out of respect to the woman who brought Elijah into this world, we buried her alongside him as close family and friends paid their final respects. I promised myself I wouldn’t carry the guilt of her actions for we were all still suffering the loss of Elijah, and individually, we had chosen different paths as a coping mechanism.
It was the wake-up call we all need—life is frighteningly short. That whole tomorrow-I-could-be- hit-by-a-bus saying can’t ring truer. The reality is whether it’s a bus or cancer, it strikes when we least expect it, and when we’re all guilty of thinking it could never happen to us.
And so, I vow to live this life I’ve been blessed with, and I can’t or don’t want to imagine it without Julian. He’s everything I need, everything I want, and luckily for me, he feels the exact same way. Finally, we both understand the love we feel for each other is too strong to walk away from, too powerful to give up.
There are so many questions yet to be answered.
Where will we live?
Do we want to get married?
But those are all questions in my head.
It isn’t abnormal to think about the future, but I consider Julian’s feelings and don’t want to push too much change too soon.
Turns out, I don’t have to. Andy’s the pusher. Since the moment he was back in my arms, all he wants is Julian.
The first few nights Julian slept over, and Andy was beyond ecstatic. He was extremely clingy to the point he wanted to sleep between us every night. It didn’t bother Julian at first, but a few days later, he pointed out the obvious—we hadn’t been intimate since before he broke it off with me. Both of us have been so protective over Andy and his well-being, we forgot about us, that combined with family dropping by all day long.
Julian and I try to talk in code, not wanting Andy to hear our conversation. It’s our only way of expressing our feelings, even to the point where he sends me dirty text messages which can’t be said out loud. It’s cute, and I’m ridiculously sexually charged. It’s a constant throb down below that with the slightest wink or handsome smirk, sends me into a frenzy which not even naked pictures of the ugliest man on earth can tame.
The