Chasing Heartbreak (Dark Love #6) - Kat T. Masen Page 0,45
Just when I think he’ll hang up without a goodbye, his breathing falters the same time my heart skips a beat.
“It should’ve been you, Kate,” he whispers. “All along… it should have been you.”
NOAH
My gaze drifts toward my little girl asleep in her bed.
The sound of her tiny snores is more like long-winded breaths as innocent as the one proceeding.
My feet move as quietly as possible to adjust her yellow blanket, which is teetering on the railing of her bed. She can’t go anywhere without it. According to experts, it’s a habit needing to be stopped at her age. But who gives a goddamn fuck? If it makes her happy and comforts her, then let her be.
Laying in her arms is Mr. Foxy, her favorite stuffed toy. My fingers gently move the loose strands of hair away from her face, giving me space to plant a soft kiss on her forehead. The scent of her baby skin brings back so many memories, the milestones of her time with us replaying like a sweet melody.
Jessa doesn’t deserve my mistakes.
The guilt spreads like wildfire, out of control with its ferocity. There are so many elements that started the blaze, moments which were out of my depth, so I neglected all the signs.
From the beginning, my infatuation with Morgan and her ignorant behavior years ago should’ve been the red flag. Still, instead, being a novice to love, I followed my heart or whatever the fuck it was because I had no clue what the hell I was doing.
Looking back and reflecting on our time together, I was addicted to the thrill of the chase. Morgan was unattainable, and I wanted to prove a point. My ego led the race, and while running toward the finish line to what I believed would be a victorious win, I slowly lost pieces of myself and became the man Morgan wanted me to be. That included letting go of certain people in my life.
We did everything by the book, or so I thought. I asked her to marry me before Jessa came along. The sanctity of marriage seemed important if we were going to raise a family together.
Yet, the rings on our fingers only added to the pressure of our daily lives. Our sexual connection dissipated, replaced by angry threats and resentment toward each other. I envisioned a wife, a mother, who would put her children first, not her Hollywood movie star of a sister. The more we fought, the clearer it became that we’d made a mistake fast-tracking our relationship. We never took the time to build a solid foundation, letting lust overshadow the vital elements to sustaining a long-lasting future.
And while regret plays a massive part in my conflicted emotions toward Morgan, I’m then torn every second I stare into the eyes of this beautiful child we created. I still recall the moment she was born, how nothing else in my life made me complete. How I vowed to be her father, a protector, a man she could always rely on. My own father’s absence made me all the more aware of the role I needed to fulfill in my daughter’s life.
But now, the one paying the highest price is Jessa. Her world has been torn apart, much of that my fault for allowing Morgan’s controlling nature over our marriage to push me over the edge and into a bigger mistake. The pain was insurmountable, staring at the divorce papers on Christmas Eve. I was alone, left wondering precisely what I’d done wrong or why my child deserved a broken home. The threat of losing Jessa and being alone consumed me and drove me to the pits of darkness with only one way out.
I needed anything to take my mind off it, anything to make me forget my whole world was being taken away from me.
And then came Olivia Hawkins.
I remembered her from our childhood, and the uncanny timing gave it all the more reason as to why we both ended up in the hotel room that night. We were both bleeding from freshly opened but different wounds and the pain of losing someone.
It was supposed to be one night—all sex, no attachment, just the desperate need to control my life inside that hotel room. I wasn’t doing anything wrong. As far as I was concerned, Morgan and I were separated with divorce papers making it even more official.
But the moment after, I realized the biggest mistake I made wasn’t fighting for what Jessa needed.