Chasing Heartbreak (Dark Love #6) - Kat T. Masen Page 0,44
purposely bury my head into more work, leaving just before nine. By the time I stop to grab something to eat, it’s dark when I reach my apartment.
Upon opening the door and kicking off my shoes, the sound of silence welcomes the loneliness. A shower or bath will normally relax my tense muscles, but even the thought brings little solace.
Still in my work attire, I sit on the couch and turn on the television. I mindlessly channel surf to no avail until I turn the damn thing off. Frustrated with my mind unable to switch off, I open the doors to the balcony and step out into the summer’s night air. The breeze is refreshing against my skin, the sounds of noise on the street drown out the silence in my head. People are walking together, laughing, and some more intimate, holding hands. The restaurant across the street is busy with lots of patrons dining out.
Last weekend feels like a lifetime ago. Perhaps there’s truth to what Charlie said, Paris is beautiful, but home is where the heart is loved.
I pull my phone out of my pocket, sending Noah a quick text asking if he can talk. He responds with a simple yes. My fingers move quickly and dial his number, placing him on speaker as I lean against the window and stare into the sky.
“Hello,” is all he answers, his tone flat and uninviting.
“Noah, I don’t like the way we ended things tonight. I’m sorry I told you, or perhaps not sorry I told you, but sorry I didn’t communicate the actual conversation correctly. But I’m calling just to make sure you’re okay after meeting with Morgan.”
“Sure, I guess.”
His closed answers are frustrating, and my mind begins to conjure up thoughts. Does she want to reunite? Did something happen? Thoughts are rampant doing nothing to ease the tension.
“And? What happened?”
“She’s seeing someone.”
“Oh,” I answer, not expecting that response. The more it sinks in, the more I realize his somber mood is from jealousy. Of course, he’s upset, he still loves her, right? “I understand, Noah. You love her, and now there’s someone else.”
“No, Kate, you don’t understand,” he almost threatens me.
“Well, then enlighten me?”
“I’m not upset because she’s seeing someone. I’m upset because for every second she speaks to me telling me that she’s seeing some guy and wants Jessa to meet him, all my mind can think about is you and Dominic.”
“Noah,” I stutter, confused by why his thoughts are misplaced. “There’s nothing going on right now.”
“Right now.” He laughs rudely.
“Why are you hell-bent on thinking I’m lying?”
“Because you hesitate every fucking time!”
“I hesitate because you’re sensitive, or should I say temperamental when this subject is raised.”
“And have you ever stopped to wonder why?”
I shake my head, though he can’t see me. He’s forcing me to look deep inside rather than scrape the surface, and the last time I did that, hearts were broken, specifically mine.
“Don’t do this, Noah,” I whisper. “Don’t go ruining what we have.”
“Because you love him? Are you thinking about taking Allegra up on her offer? Be the mistress on the side? Chances are, there’s more than one of you. Why not make it a gangbang? Then he’ll start charging people to come watch,” he muses bitterly.
“No, Noah. I don’t love him. That’s all you need to know.”
“And that’s supposed to make me feel better? You don’t love him, but you’re still willing to fuck him?”
The advice I offered Noah only hours ago seems impossible to follow, controlling the people around you by how you react. My anger is stirring up within me at the choice of his words. But if I feed into his jealously and frustration, I’ll be a plain old hypocrite. This is what we do, we argue, we hang up, then we bury it until it becomes a bigger problem.
But not this time. I don’t want to fall back into the same bad habit when deep, down inside, I know Noah has many things on his mind. I just shouldn’t be one of them.
“I understand you have a lot of things—”
“No, don’t do that. Try to tell me I don’t feel the way I feel.”
“Noah,” I bow my head trying to push away the feeling of his subtle hints at something else. “Please don’t say how you feel.”
“And why shouldn’t I?”
“Because if you say how you feel, it’ll all change. Me, you, us…”
The quietness between us grows deeper, pure in its form while creating a blank canvas for our thoughts.