it was that happened, you can tell me. We’re friends.” As I kept silent, her arm stilled on mine. “At least . . . I thought we were.”
“Of course we are,” I said quickly, but her arm had slipped away.
“If we are, then tell me what went wrong between you and Nat.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I insisted.
“It does matter.” Her voice was strained. “But you’re like Henry. You both think you can hide things from me. If I ask any questions, you pat me on the head and turn away. You both think you’re being kind, I suppose. But I’m not a lapdog, Lucy. I’m not an idiot. I know when someone’s keeping the truth from me.”
Was that how she really felt about Henry? About me?
“My dear,” Norrie began, reaching out to Sybil. “It’s not just you. She won’t tell me, either.”
Norrie’s sadness made me ache, just as Sybil’s desperation did. This was the cost of walling out the people I loved—a cost as heavy to them as it was to me. And yet how could I have told them the truth?
I looked up to find Sybil’s eyes fixed on me. “You don’t trust me, do you, Lucy?” she said. “It’s been like this ever since you started working for Henry. I know you have state secrets to keep, but these days everything’s a secret with you. For all I know, you hate Nat with a passion—”
I flinched. Only the tiniest bit, but Sybil noticed, and I didn’t avert my eyes quickly enough. I’d forgotten the way she had of seeing straight into me.
“Oh, Lucy.” Her frustration melted into sympathy. “You still care about him, don’t you? Whatever you say, you still care.”
How to recover from this? I should have kept her at arm’s length, just as I had for the past twenty months.
As I scrambled for words, Sybil said triumphantly, “So there’s hope after all.”
“No.” I didn’t like where this was going.
“You two were made for each other,” said Sybil, cheerfully ignoring me. “And if you care about him, it can’t be as hopeless as all that. There must be some way we can get you back together again.” She stopped, struck by a new idea. “I could be your go-between.”
I looked at her, horrified. “No.”
“But I would be happy to help.” She skipped a little in her bright slippers, like the Sybil I’d known in happier days, and gave me a delighted smile. “Please let me.”
“No.” My voice cracked. “You mustn’t go to him, Sybil. Leave him alone, I tell you. Leave him alone.”
Sybil and Norrie stared at me.
It was Norrie who spoke first, her voice rough with worry—Norrie, who had always thought Nat could do no wrong. “Child, I have to know. What did Nat do, to make you look like that?”
My throat burned. What could I say?
Sybil became fierce in my defense. “Should I tell Henry he’s not to be trusted? He’ll listen to me about that, you can be sure. I’ll make him listen.”
“No!” Never that. “Sybil, please . . .”
But I had only to look at her to see she wasn’t backing down. And if she broke the King’s confidence in Nat, then everything I’d worked toward would be ruined once and for all.
The game was up. I would have to tell them the truth.
CHAPTER FOUR
TRUTH OUTS
Behind me, I heard the fire crackle. Coal fell through the grate. When I looked up, Sybil and Norrie were still staring at me.
“Nat didn’t do anything dreadful,” I told them. “That’s the truth, I promise you. But it was his idea that we part ways, not mine. He told me not to write to him, and he asked me to keep away when he came to Court.”
Sybil looked taken aback. “I don’t understand.”
Norrie looked as flummoxed as Sybil. “Why would Nat do that?”
It would all have to come out now, I thought wearily. There was no getting around it. “Because he thought he didn’t have the standing to court me. To do that, he said he needed to prove he could stand on his own two feet, and he couldn’t do that while I was around. People would think I was propping him up.”
“He wants to court you?” Sybil squeaked.
“He did a year and a half ago,” I said carefully. “Of course, I don’t know how he feels now—”
“He wants to court you,” Sybil repeated, eyes shining.
Norrie was more circumspect, but I saw the tension ease out of her wrinkled face. “So that’s what happened between you.” She