Changed by Fire (Phoenix Rising #6) - Harper Wylde Page 0,97
gala!” Ryder surmised fervently, connecting the dots, and Damien nodded.
“She alters what was,” Gaspard clarified, settling into a chair with a sigh. “Think of it like taping over an old movie.”
Hiro chuckled. “While a VCR is a decent reference, I’m not sure Nix is quite old enough to get it.”
I smirked, sticking my tongue out at him. “I was poor, remember?” I reminded him gently. “Believe me, I know what a VCR is.” I chewed my lip, thinking it over. I could forget it all and have happy memories in their place. I’d never have night terrors, never jump when my mates moved over me in bed. Never get nervous in crowds. I’d be what I always wanted to be—normal. Greed at the idea swept through me in a wave, and I wanted to shout after Zenoah, beg for her to come back and do it now.
“Are you going to do it?” Rini tilted her head, deep in thought. “I mean, I think I would to get rid of every bad thing. Isn’t that kind of like starting over?”
“It’s a reboot, in essence,” Theo acknowledged, pushing his glasses up his nose. “It’d completely rewrite your mind.”
Fear pooled in my stomach at the implication, penetrating the dream I was spinning in my head. It would be a rewrite. Of everything. “She’d alter everything?” I questioned cautiously.
“Everything,” Ryder answered with a sweet smile, not noticing the nerves creeping up my spine. “As if it never happened.”
“What’s wrong, Nix?” Damien inquired tenderly, his eyes assessing mine. I pushed my walls down, letting my emotions slam into them as I tried to find the right words. Joshua staggered slightly as the wave of turmoil washed over him, and Ryder gasped. Hope, fear, anxiety, joy… it all flew through my head.
“Would I still be me?” I inquired softly. “I mean, if you removed everything, would I still be me?”
“In theory,” Gaspard chimed in. “You would just have happy memories, normal memories, instead of painful ones.”
Theo’s brow crinkled as he considered that, his focus on the emotions I was pushing into him. “You’re worried it would change you?”
I nodded slowly. “I mean, if it was just a few things? Or if I was little? But now…” I sent him my memories of us together on the boat for the first time, remembering how I’d pulled away as fear ate at me. To Damien, I shared my nerves at our first family dinner, recollecting the gentle way he’d soothed me. Every time they’d helped me heal. The nightmares they’d woken me from. The nerves I’d battled at every turn.
“She’d have to rewrite that too,” Ryder exclaimed, the first to understand what I meant, his eyes wide on mine.
“Besides, what happy memories would she give me? A human family? They’d all have to be dead now or I’d want them here with me,” I reasoned, the words spilling faster from my lips as fear swept through me. My mind raced as my Phoenix squawked.
“Nix, it could be a good thing,” Killian offered softly, kneeling before me. “We’d work through it all. You’ve been through so much.” A flash blasted through me, and I sighed, recognizing it for what it was as he remembered my panic when he’d pinned me in bed the first time. I leaned forward, resting my forehead against his.
“I’m sorry about that,” I whispered, but he only shook his head.
“You don’t ever have to apologize to me for that. Ever. I just hate the idea of ever scaring you again. I don’t want to accidentally do something and have you fear me.”
A new thought hit me, and I nearly fell from my chair. Scott. If I had my memory wiped and he came back… I hesitated for a moment, pulling away to study Killian. I’d always limited what I told them, to protect myself, yes, because I hadn’t really wanted to relive it all. But also to protect them. I didn’t want to see the pain, pity, and disgust in their eyes when I shared everything. My Phoenix squawked in my head, heat spiraling from her as she pushed at me. These were my mates. My family. I needed to let this final wall down. They’d never understand otherwise. “Someone get me something to drink please. I’m going to need it for this.”
“Nix!” Killian objected, panic in his eyes as he glanced frantically at his brothers. “I didn’t mean you had to tell me about it!”