Changed by Fire (Phoenix Rising #6) - Harper Wylde Page 0,45
You aren’t sleeping anymore. Most of these projects would take a team of people months, if not years, to complete. Yet you’re mad at yourself for not having finished them in just a few weeks.”
“I’ve been working on the database and the blood for more than a few weeks,” I reminded her.
She waved a dismissive hand. “Sure. You’ve also been rescuing me on a monthly basis, taking care of your family, and helping run a rebellion. Lazy lad that you are.”
I breathed deeply, pulling her close again. “I hurt you once before, I don’t want that to happen again.” The sound of her sobs still echoed through my nightmares. It was something I doubted I’d ever be able to forget.
“It was an accident. The same way I burned your Kraken. You don’t hold that against me, do you?”
“You were new to shifting, of course I don’t blame you.” I twirled her hair around my fingers.
“Why do you think you need to do it all, Theo?” Her question was low and soft as she stroked gentle fingers up and down my arm. “What is this really about?”
I squeezed my eyes tightly shut as I fought for the right words. She wanted the truth, so it’s what I would give her. “I feel lost.” My voice cracked on the admission, but I pushed forward. “So much has changed in the past few months. I mean, look at Killian. Since you’ve come into our lives, he’s opened up. He’s so much more at peace with his Puca, and he’s interacting with people outside of our bubble. Ryder has dropped that false, cocky persona he used. He’s shown his vulnerability and his darkness and he’s working to control them. Hiro… I watch him with you and Ryder. He’s always protected us. Cared for us. But he’d put himself last. Since you came, he’s learning to advocate for what he wants, and he’s realized that being a little bit selfish can be a good thing.” I didn’t want to stop for a breath, the words continuing to pour from my lips as I tried to make her understand. “Damien has stopped shutting us out. He’s truly opening up to all of us rather than hiding. He’s becoming the leader I always knew he should be, and I’m so proud of him.”
“Are you upset you don’t feel like the leader anymore?”
I barked out a laugh. “Not at all. That was never truly my place. Not really. It’s just… even Molly and Rini have changed so much since you arrived. It’s like when you came to Anchorage you brought strength and life and fire with you. I’ve watched it touch all of those you care about. I’ve seen how they’ve grown and flourished, how your fire has changed them, forging them into better versions of themselves.” I looked away from her as I added, “But I haven’t grown. I’ve gotten worse at everything. I’ve lost my place, my role, my strength. It’s not only my alter who is useless now, but me as a man.”
“Theo,” Nix whispered, drawing my face back to hers as she kissed me, deep and warm, before pulling away. “I wish you’d come to me with this before. That’s not how I see things at all.”
I tugged my glasses off, tossing them onto the desk so I could bury my face in her neck. “I know you don’t feel that way. You’re far too sweet.” I kissed the tender flesh below her ear.
“It’s not about being sweet,” she retorted, irritation lacing her tone. “It’s the truth. You see how all of the others have changed, but you aren’t seeing how you have.”
“I do see it though.”
“No, you feel lost. That doesn’t mean you are. Theo, when I met you, you were so strict, almost cold. You worked so hard to keep everyone in line, to direct everybody where they needed to be. But you’ve been relaxing those reins. You’ve been letting them step up into their own roles, letting them find themselves here. You’ve let go of control, let go of your own fears, and helped push our family to where they are. You’ve opened yourself up to me. You say I’ve changed all of you? That my fire has helped everyone grow? You haven’t said anything about how I’ve grown, how you have helped me flourish. I’m no longer the scared girl you initially met. That change is because of my family—the family you helped create and hold together. You’re struggling now,