Changed by Fire (Phoenix Rising #6) - Harper Wylde Page 0,44
most useful, I had been able to lead our group. Now the dynamics were different. My role in our family had begun to change as I focused on everything behind the scenes and my brothers came into their own strength.
Yet I wasn’t sure I’d grown the way they had. Originally, I had taken the role as leader not because I felt like I had a right to, but because someone needed to. Politics and posturing were not innate skills for me, and I was happy to let Joshua and Damien take the lead there. But where did that leave me? As our tech person? Our researcher? Right now, I wasn’t even able to do that.
Ciarán’s cryptic clues about blood being the key had driven me to test Nix’s blood. And while the results were fascinating, they were also unpredictable and, for the moment, uncontrollable. I still held the database the Council previously wanted me to create, but now what purpose did it serve? A headache pounded in my temples, and I gripped the arms of my chair, feeling the metal bend under my fingers like playdoh as I breathed deeply, trying to get control of myself.
A knock on the door startled me, and I clicked the keyboard to bring up my screensaver. I doubted it would be Ciarán at my door—he wouldn’t have had the courtesy to knock—and I wasn’t sure who else would be up at this hour. I pulled the door open, and my Kraken rumbled with pleasure when he saw Nix standing there. She held one of the novelty kraken mugs I’d insisted on bringing with me, steam billowing out of it as she smiled sweetly.
“I thought you could use a little pick-me-up.”
“Nix.” I settled my glasses back onto my nose, brushing strands of hair away from the frame. “Thank you. I can definitely use this. What are you doing up though? It’s early.” A glance at the clock on the desk showed it was four in the morning, and I hurriedly set down the mug and tugged Nix in the room as I looked her over. “Was it a nightmare?”
“No, I’m fine.” Her dark eyes took me in, and her soft fingers stroked over my face. “It’s you I’m worried about.”
I blinked. “Me?”
She pulled me to my chair before pushing me down and climbing into my lap. “Theo, you’ve worked late every night for the past two months. Each night it’s later and later. You’re the only one who’s missed turns sleeping next to me besides the other night, when I dragged you to bed and made you stay until morning. You’re always here, or you’re working with the faction leaders, handling some project, ordering supplies, or checking on the money transfers you made.”
I soothed a hand over her back as I tried to sort through her words. “Well, yes. But those things all need to be done.”
“Yes, but that doesn’t mean you need to be the one to do them or that they need to impede on your sleep.” She traced her finger under my eyes, highlighting the dark circles I knew bruised the tanned skin of my face. “But there seems to be more to it. It’s like you can’t slow down, like you think if you do, something is going to happen.” Her eyes searched mine, looking for the truth hidden inside of me. I sighed, leaning forward to brush a kiss over her head.
“I just want to make sure everyone is okay. There’s so much I need to do, to finish, and I’m not making the progress I should be,” I admitted.
“What do you mean?” There was no judgment in her question as she trailed a line down the side of my neck, drawing goosebumps in her wake.
I wanted to squirm, to lie. I hated knowing I wasn’t good enough. But this was Nix, and I couldn’t lie to her, even to make myself look better in her eyes. “I’m not accomplishing anything. I haven’t broken through the firewalls. I haven’t finished the database. I can’t find where they moved their damn island operation. I haven’t come to a solution with your blood. I can’t even find Ryder’s niece. All of it’s still just unanswered questions.”
“Theo, do you really expect to do all of that? Much less accomplish all of those things at the same time you’re doing dozens of other duties every day?” Nix pulled back slightly, tilting my head so my gaze stayed on hers. “You’re busy every waking moment.