Changed by Fire (Phoenix Rising #6) - Harper Wylde Page 0,29
when Nix bit her lip and shrugged. The expression she wore as her gaze returned to my face was caught somewhere between sheepish and guilt-ridden.
“Is it wrong that I feel guilty about not feeling guilty for taking a life? Khan was a terrible leader, a corrupt politician on a Council responsible for hurting who knows how many shifters under their rule, and I have no regrets about being responsible for his death. But I’m sure he had a family… someone out there who cared for him. He was someone’s son. How sick and twisted does that make me? What does that say about the kind of person I am?” Her chocolate eyes glittered in the dark from the press of unshed tears. “I never want to become like them.”
My hands skimmed up her shoulders and over the elegant lines of her neck to cup her face. “You’re nothing like the Council, mikró puláki. There’s not even the smallest chance you’ll go all dark phoenix on me.” I paused, scraping together my courage to expose a shadowed part of my soul. “If… if anyone understands, it’s me.”
Nix grasped the outsides of my wrists, holding onto me as I held onto her. My thumbs traced over the curve of her cheeks as I swallowed hard and took the leap. “I struggled—still struggle, if I’m being honest—with what I did to Stone. No matter which way I look at the situation, I know I’ve shaped the course of someone’s life. She had a son, and whether he’s better off with or without her influence, I’ll never know. It doesn’t really matter. I erased an entire lifetime of memories they would have had together, and that’s a regret I’ll have to live with. But I’d be lying if I said a part of me didn’t rejoice when we saw the news headlines about her body being found. I was happy knowing that a threat against you had been extinguished, even at the cost of someone’s life. So if you think you’re dark and twisted, what does that say about me?”
Nix and I looked at each other—really looked—seeing straight into the other’s brokenness and accepting the sharp shards and imperfect edges.
“That we’re both fucked up?” Nix sassed with her eyebrows raised, before her expression melted into a chagrined little smirk. “Just kidding.” Just as quickly as it’d come, her smile fell and was replaced with a more serious look. “I guess all it really boils down to in the end is our desire to keep each other and our friends and families safe,” Nix whispered, as she ran her hands slowly up my stomach and chest.
“It might be disturbing to admit, but I’d kill a thousand times over if it meant keeping you or one of the guys alive and well. I mean, fuck, we’re going to war. We’re all fooling ourselves if we don’t think there will be more bloodshed before the end of this.” I pulled Nix a little closer, enjoying the warmth of her breath as it tangled with mine. “There’s nothing in the world I want more than to keep you safe.”
Nix circled her arms around my neck, digging lithe fingers into the hair at my nape. The slight tug against my scalp felt so fucking good that I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against hers. After this tough conversation, all I wanted to do was wrap myself up in Nix and block out the rest of the world for a little while.
“I feel the same way. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to keep you and the others safe. I love each of you more than I can say, and I can’t imagine my life without any of you. You each complete a part of me and hold a piece of my heart.”
There was nothing I could do to keep my mouth from crashing onto Nix’s. Her startled gasp gave me entry, and I dove in, teasing the seam of her mouth with my tongue, chasing the taste of her. Her lips were pillowy soft, her tongue as sweet as sugar.
“I guess all these confessions mean we’re going to the dark side,” Nix teased, the mood lightening after our heavy talk. Nothing was resolved, but it felt good to voice my concerns, my soul a little cleaner than it’d been going in. Having Nix’s understanding and support made the air easier to breathe as the burden that’d been sitting on my chest for months eased slightly.