Changed by Fire (Phoenix Rising #6) - Harper Wylde Page 0,107

preferences if I refused her, claim I was forcing her. She knew it’d mean a death sentence for me if it went before the Council. It made her laugh.” My Kitsune barked his fury at the memory. “I was trapped by my own turn-ons, and she knew it.”

“I thought you didn’t allow rape,” she murmured quietly.

I shrugged. “Just like in the human world, many didn’t see it that way. I’m male. She’s female. They didn’t care that she was using her power on me. That she was basically drugging me. She never actually raped me, Nix. She just used her powers to excite me, to try and get me to drop my guard. She hoped I’d think with my hormones rather than my brain.”

“We put a stop to it,” Killian inserted with a growl. “We knew she didn’t actually care for him, thanks to Damien. Knew the kind of person she was.”

“She wasn’t strong enough at that point to actually force me. I have no doubt, though, that as she got stronger, it would have happened.”

“We made sure they weren’t alone together from then on, just in case,” Theo added. “We couldn’t be sure when her powers would strengthen.”

“She continued to taunt me from a distance,” I told Nix. I had never shared that with my brothers, never wanted them to bear the burden, so I wasn’t surprised when I saw several of them shift and heard indrawn breaths. “She’d interfere in any relationship I attempted to have. She told my parents. My siblings. Her father. She would hint to any high-level mythological who would listen that my skulk had gotten rid of me not because of my powers, but because they could tell I was twisted inside. That if I was into BDSM and so proudly admitted it, I was probably into worse things as well. What if my tastes evolved over time? They were all better off without me. I was only good for my DNA.”

Nix growled at that, her eyes flaring, but I kept going.

“Since my family made no secret of being ashamed of me—even more so once she shared my proclivities—they had no reason not to believe her. She knew the Council wouldn’t think I’d raped her, not when they had Raphael to read the truth. But she did know she could embarrass me. Humiliate me. Prevent anyone else from seeking me out as a mate. While I logically knew nothing would come of her threats, it didn’t prevent me from fearing that Ishida or Stepanov would take matters into their own hands if she ever tried to turn on the waterworks.

Realization dawned on her face. “That’s why she told me that on campus. About what you like.”

I nodded. “She had truly hoped to disgust you. Many people can’t accept the idea of BDSM, or they’ll giggle about it, maybe try a little, but they’d never want their mate to be like that. She took great pleasure in sharing that I was bisexual as well. To her, it just added to the idea that I was warped, dirty. Her plan was that I would eventually, in my shame, beg for her to take me back. Tell her that I would give her as many kits as she wanted until she produced the celestial kitsunes she craved to raise her status.” She’d enjoyed telling me that plan too. How she would tell everyone she’d ‘cleansed’ me of my twisted ways, how my name deserved to carry on now that a respectable female had beaten me into submission and made me give up my disgusting inclinations. “She didn’t realize I would have gladly spent my life without a mate if it meant I didn’t have to go near her again.”

“Hiro.” Nix’s voice broke as tears streamed from her eyes.

“I wasn’t going to let her make me feel guilty for enjoying what I do. I’m not dirty or broken or twisted. I don’t need to be cleansed. I wasn’t going to let her win.” Her eyes blazed as she stared at me, her mouth opening as she recognized I understood. “I can’t say I understand you fully, Nix, because I’ve never had to suffer what you had to. But I forgave myself for what she tried to make me do because it was just a response. My body is made to feel pleasure, to override pain. How could I keep feeling guilty for it doing what it was supposed to do? That’d be like being mad at my body