“Kian died,” Mave answered. “And I broke, and she’s only visited me once since then. When I got back, I learned about Leshaun and this spy and…”
“What?”
“I asked if she thought we were going to lose. She said yes. She had so much hope in me, looking back, and I failed her.” Mave lowered her head. “But that’s okay because I’m going to force her to make me her Avatar. If it can give me the power to win this war, then…”
“I don’t like this,” Zayden growled. “I don’t like that you were dreaming of a literal goddess for two years without telling us. Telling anyone. I don’t like which goddess it is, either. Amonora and Lariana have taken active roles in our world for ages. Look at Varon, a fucking Avatar, which makes sense.”
“Why?” she asked, needing to understand why that information didn’t bother him.
“There’s almost always an Avatar of Amonora running around,” he said with a little snappiness. “One dies, you wait a couple of thousand years, and there’s another. I had no idea about Alchan’s family, our rulers, the queens being Avatars of Lariana, but we knew Lariana was…around. The males are in everything, the very lands and air around us. but Kristanya…”
“She is the inevitable end,” Bryn whispered. “And while we pray to her to guide us in war, war wasn’t her first domain. It was her last. Legends say it went darkness, death, then war, but legends are…legends. I’m with Zayden. I don’t like how any of this has played out. I don’t like the idea yer goin’ to chase down a goddess. I don’t like that ya want to be her Avatar when none of us understand what it could mean. For us and for ya.”
“Darkness, death, and war,” Mave murmured, looking at the mountain with narrowed eyes. “Well, that’s fine by me. Varon said she and I must have been dancing around each other for centuries, and that’s played a role in my life before, even unknowingly. I need answers about that, and she has them. She has everything I need to sleep easier at night. Everything I need to win this war.”
“I don’t like how much Varon thinks he knows, either,” Zayden snapped, now genuinely frustrated. “He’s asking you to go up and probably die, Mave!” Zayden pointed, his face getting a little red. “And what good does that do for anyone?”
“I’m going to die in Anden when we lose this war,” she pointed out to him, as she had before. “Why not die trying to find a way to win it? At least I’m finally at home in the land of my birth. It’s better than dying in Olost or whatever new place Alchan intends to send survivors when everything has fallen to pieces.” She looked back at the wagon and knew they should continue, but not right at that moment.
This spot was almost keeping her in place. She couldn’t pass it, just like she could never pass Kristanya in her dreams. No matter how much Mave wanted to walk forward and see what lay in front of her, she couldn’t get her feet to move in that direction.
“We camp here,” she decided. “One last night of reflection before we begin the final leg of this journey. Once we make it to the temple, you’ll stay behind, and I’ll climb.”
“You heard her,” Mat said as he turned to the other males. “We’re camping here. Mave is a powerful warrior, and while I’m scared, I won’t stop her from doing this. Neither will either of you. We’re her husbands, and this is the last moment we voice our concern. Mave is right. We’re all going to die in Anden this time. Why not make it for something worthwhile?”
Her heart threatened to burst from her chest as he spoke.
Why are you so good, Matesh? How was I so lucky to find you in the darkness?
She realized what she could do here. She looked down at a scar on her arm, given to her by Luykas.
He’s never going to leave my side, and we both know it. We’ve always known it. Through everything, my first husband has been consistent and brave. He’s helped me build a home and family, unlike any other. He’s grown as much as I have.
It was one of the two rituals she had asked Leshaun to teach her, hoping to learn away from the males in her life. She hadn’t intended to