don’t lose. I’ve overcome great odds in my life, and I will never let someone tell me my fate. I make my fate. I decide when and where I will fight and die. I’ve been a slave and a gladiator. I’ve been your mercenary, your warrior, and your rebel. I’m considered enemy number one in the Empire, and I have been a Champion twice.” She straightened her posture. “And if I have to become a fucking Avatar to win this war, that is what I will become.”
She turned on her heel and walked out.
Alchan was the least of her worries now. She knew he was the king she believed him to be, and he would come around. He could be stubborn, but once he healed from the blow she just laid on him, he would admit she was right.
She ignored Emerian and just kept walking home to get her swords. She needed to stay strong. She needed to be stronger.
Kian’s death couldn’t be in vain. Leshaun’s couldn’t be in vain. Her entire life could not be in vain, and the family she lost could not be in vain.
If that put Mave against the goddesses themselves, that was the battle she had to fight.
34
Alchan
What did it mean to be worthy?
Alchan had pondered that question his entire life, and it continued to haunt his every step.
When he was young, he tried to be worthy of his parents.
He tried to earn his father’s love. A painful lesson he had to learn was that sometimes, it was an impossible reach. He could never be worthy of his father because his father had no love in him by the time Alchan wanted it. He’d given it all away, then crushed his ability to love as he grew bitter. It was impossible to be enough for someone who felt they weren’t enough, either.
And his mother? He had thought he was enough and grown complacent. He thought he was enough for her, then she left, proving he wasn’t. He wasn’t worthy of her. He could never be because she wasn’t worthy of him. From her, he knew how to temper his own expectations of others. Why invest energy in someone when they didn’t want to do the same in return?
Similar lessons, each painful.
He tried to be worthy of his grandmother. She had been a great queen dealt a bad hand, but he wanted to be a grandson worthy of her, and she had wanted to be a grandmother worthy of him. They had both fallen short in their own ways, but they had loved. They were family. In the end, falling short hadn’t destroyed them. It had made them both mortal, and mortals made mistakes.
Alchan continued to try to prove his worthiness to Rain every day. That love required it. There could be no complacency. He had to work every day to remind Rain that he was one of Alchan’s truest loves. He wanted them to be together until they were old and grey.
He had to be worthy of his people, too. He had to do right by them, to be the best ruler he could be, and leave them with stability long after he was gone. That required sacrifice, one he had been afraid of for so long and was still wary of now. It required him to lose his respect for himself, but sometimes, to be worthy required a greater sacrifice than anyone knew.
He knew, one day, he would make that sacrifice and would finally prove his worth to them in its entirety. There would be no more doubt of his ability to be their king.
There was one he wanted to be worthy of more than all others. He wasn’t sure why her words had hurt so much, but they had cut to his heart and made him feel smaller than even his father ever could.
He needed to be worthy of Mave more than he needed to breathe. He didn’t understand it. Why her? Why did her words cut so deep? Alchan had faced people putting him down and deeming him less than for his entire life, but when it came from her, he had been crushed. He had been unable to think, unable to argue. He only listened to her scorn and her rage and accepted it. His Champion had weighed him, measured him, and found him wanting.
He was not good enough to be her king.
“Alchan?” Rain whispered softly, wrapping his arms around his waist. “You’ve been out here for four days, and people