can’t find the spy, without a doubt. Whoever it is will destroy us from within. With every botched mission and campaign, we lose more Andinna we can never get back. With every assassination, we’ll lose someone too important to lose and impossible to replace. I wouldn’t even give us a year if we can’t find out who is selling us out, which is…exactly what Shadra has been planning this entire summer. Knowing there’s a spy explains fucking all of it.”
“And if we find the spy?” She needed to know there was something. Kristanya couldn’t see a path, but Mave had to find one. For Kian, for what he did for her. If there was no one to change it, she had to change the path, so none of her males or family died for her or anyone else.
“I don’t know,” he answered honestly. When he looked at her, she saw the burden of knowledge he shared with no one. “We don’t have the numbers or the power to win in an all-out assault, and I was hoping we could avoid one, but with her resources and the strength of the army in sheer numbers…we can’t avoid one. She’ll punch into the mountains and begin marching to us next year or the year after. It was a fool’s dream to think we could keep this up in the long term. We have to hope her own nation will starve her out, but if she’s winning…”
“They won’t force her to stop for us,” Mave finished, realizing the dark path that loomed in front of them. All roads led to Kristanya and her final judgment of them. “They’ll let her win, and that’s it.”
“That’s it,” he agreed. “But…we can keep trying. If it hits the point of desperation, I’ve got secret plans to get our people out of Anden again.”
“Back to Olost?” Mave frowned. “Wouldn’t she chase those who are left?”
“She would chase, but they wouldn’t go to Olost this time. There are other places in the world, ones so far away, the Empire doesn’t even consider conquering them. It’s an idea. A hope in case all is lost.”
“Would it be enough to save our people from extinction?”
“No,” Alchan admitted, “but it’s a shot for them to start something new somewhere else. Just a long shot.”
“What if we…” She didn’t finish that thought. Mave couldn’t bring herself to give up and leave, letting Shadra win this without a fight.
“I have the same problem. I can’t bring myself to consider retreating. I’ve decided I’m going to die here if it comes to it.”
“I’ll die with you, then,” she decided, nodding. “I’d try to save my husbands, but we both know that’s a foolish endeavor, so you’ll get all of them as well.”
“Does this mean you’re my Champion again?” Alchan asked, plainly showing what he hoped would be the answer.
“No,” she answered, shaking her head. “I…” She felt like a failure. No matter how much everyone said it wasn’t her fault, and she understood that logically, she couldn’t overcome the feelings that wove their way around her heart and squeezed—failure. It wasn’t just the one mission. It was everything. It was Emerian, who she got hurt. It was Leshaun, who she never got to say goodbye to. It was the entire war.
“Why?” he asked, pleading. “I need an answer, Mave. We’ve been in this together since…I guess since the beginning.”
“That’s why,” she said, trying to put some power into it. “I’m a sword, but I’m only one sword, and I’m…not enough. We started this, and we’re losing it, Alchan. Maybe if I were more like Luykas or Nevyn or Seanev, I would be better, but I’m just a sword, and what’s the fucking point? I can’t find a spy. I can’t lead a thousand warriors into battle…I’m dominant because I refuse to be anything else, not because I’m in any shape to lead. I’m…useless. The title should go to someone who is worthy of it, and I’m…” She closed her eyes. “I’m not worthy of it, Alchan. I was arrogant, thinking I alone could be the best warrior, and that would somehow be everything we needed.”
His best warrior was also the greatest fool.
“Mave, the title—”
“I couldn’t even save my father,” she whispered. “What good am I if I can’t even save my own father? How am I ever going to save you when the time comes? Or Luykas? What’s the point if I can’t even do that?”
Alchan just stared at her, obviously shocked at her