him in the lobby.’
Stiffly, they walked down to the vestibule. But as if by common consent, they both decided to step outside. Rob stood in the narrow street as Shelby leaned against the building, feeling woozy from the tropical heat.
‘So you’re not in favor of continuing the search,’ she said to him in an accusing tone.
Rob shook his head but did not look at her. ‘I’d do it myself if I had that kind of money. I suppose I could sell the house or whatever. But I have to think of the kids. Of their future. That’s what Chloe would want.’
‘You’re so . . . passive. You’re so resigned to it,’ Shelby said angrily.
‘Well, I’ve been here a bit longer than you,’ Rob retorted. ‘Reality has begun to set in,’ he said.
The officer pulled up in front of the Justice Center, and they got into the car. They returned to the hotel in silence, and, upon arrival at the Maison sur la Mer, they went their separate ways without speaking.
Shelby lay on the bed, the fan revolving over her head, her hands covering her eyes, and thought about mounting her own search. She knew they were not lying to her. It was probably hopeless. And it would be expensive. Although she had some money, she was far from rich. But there was a brokerage account that she could cash out. It was her money for a rainy day. And she had money saved for her retirement. After a while she got up off the bed and rang the police station. The chief answered her call immediately.
‘I want to start the search again. A helicopter. And boats.’
‘This could cost tens of thousands of dollars,’ the chief warned.
‘Please arrange it for me,’ Shelby said. ‘I’ll pay for it. Shall I come down to the station? You must have papers you’ll want me to sign.’
‘Well, yes, as a matter of fact. I will need proof that you have the funds available to pay for this,’ said the chief.
‘I’ll come down there before my flight back. I’ll give you my bank references.’
‘I’ll waste no time having them checked, and we’ll get the search underway.’
‘Thank you,’ said Shelby.
‘Then you can go back home and see about your grandson. I promise I will keep you informed.’
‘I’d appreciate that,’ said Shelby.
While Rob was on the phone trying to make travel arrangements, Shelby went downstairs and asked Christophe to prepare their bills.
‘You’re leaving?’ Christophe said.
Shelby nodded. ‘They think it’s hopeless.’
Christophe winced, as if he could imagine the pain of that verdict. ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘You’ve been very nice,’ said Shelby without feeling.
‘What will you do when you get back?’ Christophe asked.
Shelby shook her head. ‘I don’t know. Go home I suppose. Try to . . . I don’t know. I was going to say “start again” but I . . . well . . .’
Christophe nodded. ‘I wish you well. I hope you find your peace of mind.’
Shelby thanked him and returned to her room. She opened the bureau drawer and took out the clothes. She packed her few things, including Chloe’s t-shirts that she had brought to wear herself. Just folding them into the suitcase made her feel as if she was going to collapse from the pain. It felt so wrong to leave. Even though, she reminded herself, she was spending all her savings for the search to continue, she felt that by leaving she was agreeing to give up on Chloe. Chloe, whom she had worked for, struggled for, dreamed about. Now, the meaning of her life was gone – lost beneath the glimmering waves.
For a moment, Shelby thought that she would stay right here in St Thomas. She sat down beside the open suitcase and considered the possibility. Why not, she thought? Why not let everything else go except her slim bit of hope? She could question every boat’s captain as he returned from the search. Remain vigilant. If she did, she would eventually go mad sitting by the harbor, staring out at the blinding surface of the pale jade sea, still hoping after all hope was gone. But so what? What did it matter if she went mad? Why go on?
But one image flickered persistently in her heart. It was the face of a small boy who was about to be dealt an unimaginable loss. Jeremy was Chloe’s son, and he would need her to put her own sorrow aside and come to his aid. Chloe would want her to go – to be