eyes and says, “Get the door!”
Mark runs up and Nicole grins as she follows him in a nice natural pace. With the baby and I cradled in his strong arms, Brendan walks up the stairs to our building like the proudest papa you ever saw.
We all chat in the elevator about New York, about how things have been for them now that they live together. Mark and Nicole share a story with us about running in the rain to go to their favorite brunch place and falling into a huge puddle they didn’t see because everything looked wet and gray. They couldn’t tell when things got deeper. “It was disgusting,” Nicole laughs, looking at Mark.
He grins. “So gross. We didn’t get brunch.”
“Wait a minute!” I cry out. “Is that an engagement ring? Why didn’t you tell me?”
Nicole grins and holds it out for me to admire. “You’ve been a little busy, Annie.”
Shocked and deliriously happy for them, I shake my head. “Never too much going on that I can’t be happy for people finding love.”
The doors open and Brendan waits for Nicole to walk out first. She runs out, excited by the secret being out. Mark tosses her his set of keys. “I’ll make us some dinner,” she says with a wink.
“Oh, that sounds nice,” I murmur, looking at Jacob, our bodies bouncing a little with Brendan’s footsteps.
“SURPRISE!!!”
My head shoots up, startled by the joyous cacophony of cheering voices.
Everyone is here. My mom and dad. Brendan’s mom and her boyfriend. Laura, Dan, Manny, and Taryn. A handsome man standing by Taryn’s side. Barb and her son. Bobby and his staff. Margaret and Joe. My widened eyes land on a surprising trio: Mercedes and Manny’s mother and father. And then on a woman I only know from photos; Brendan’s sister. She walks over to me as Brendan sets me down. “I thought it was about time I flew home to meet the woman who landed my brother.”
Laughing, with tears in my eyes, I look around all the happy faces, everyone talking and laughing, coming forward, taking turns meeting little Jacob. My mother and father are the last. They don’t speak at first when they hug me, having been very scared. It’s all over their faces, the pain and the gratitude, like they can’t believe they’re looking at me in person.
I can’t speak either. I hand my son to my mom and choke, “Merry Christmas, Mom!”
“Oh, look at our little Christmas miracle,” she whispers holding his swaddled body, now wrapped in the coziest of baby blankets. “Hello Jacob, I’m your grandmother! Get ready to be spoiled! Very, very, very spoiled.”
Brendan takes my hand and brings me to sit by him on the couch. Everyone’s still looking at me, and I catch a couple people wincing at the bruises on my face. Glancing quickly around the apartment, I see the dining table has been brought into the living room, and it’s covered with food, a lot of it in Tupperware. Everyone pitched in. The coat rack is overflowing, and some coats are collapsed on the floor in an abundant heap. There are presents under the tree now!
And behind all of these people who are kept in my heart, is our very first Christmas Tree, the lights glowing warmly on everyone.
I whisper, “I got my wish.”
“What’s that, Annie?” Laura asks, smiling widely.
“Our first Christmas surrounded by the people we love.” I turn my head to gaze at my husband. “Thank you!”
His eyes are liquid and he laughs, leaning in to kiss me. “We’ve got a couple hours with him.”
“And they’re going to be the best two hours of my life. Well, what are you all staring at? Let’s eat!”
Everyone cheers and spreads out to let the holiday celebration commence. I snuggle into Brendan and my mom lays our son into Brendan’s arms. I wave Manny over because he’s got tears in his eyes.
He struggles to speak, choking, “I should have stayed with you, Boss.”
Throwing open my arms, he falls into them for a big hug and I whisper to him, “Please don’t. Please erase that guilt away from your heart forever. It’s not your fault. He was a bad guy and it’s his fault. Not yours. Not mine. Okay?” He nods and rises up, looking from me to Brendan with hope for forgiveness in his eyes. To change to a happier subject, I ask, “Manny…your momma?”
He gives a lopsided grin, wiping his eyes. “When we were waiting to hear if they found you, she said she was sorry. Family has to stay together, and we all waited at my parent’s house today together for the news. It was a hard day. They invited my girl!”
“That’s so great,” I smile, resting against Brendan’s arm.
“Can I get you anything?” Manny asks.
Thinking on it a second, I nod. “Maybe some hot chocolate?” He rushes off and Brendan kisses me. Looking down at the baby with him, I say in a quiet voice meant just for him, “Look what we did.”
Brendan chuckles. “Oh, we did this now? I didn’t do this to you?”
Pursing my lips, I shrug. “When he lies here looking like a little angel, we did it. When he’s a teenager and he gets all surly and we catch him smoking for the first time, and hiding some girl in his room, you did it”
Brendan cocks an eyebrow at me, his dark blue eyes skeptical. “When is it that you did it?”
A corner of my mouth tugs up. “When he talks back to his pre-school teacher in front of the whole class, I’m afraid that’s all me.”
Brendan smiles at Jacob and touches his little cheek. “Fair enough.”
It’s funny to harken back to the days when I felt like a rebel just because I was angry all the time and thought cynicism made me smarter than everyone else. I used to think birthdays and holidays were dumb. People made a fuss about nonsense. But it turns out that time flies and we need to mark it or years pass without us celebrating our lives, the fact that we’re breathing.
But when I felt so alone I couldn’t see that people love us if we just take down our walls and give them a chance.
It’s scary. But what’s the alternative? A life alone? Even if some of the people we think we want, don’t want us, there are wonderful people who do. And sometimes, when we find our own happiness and become who we really are — unique and perfect even with our flaws — doors that were closed before, open.
I’m glad I loved Brendan as much as I did, even when he couldn’t see me. It made me change into a woman I love.
God, can you imagine the old me saying I loved myself without gagging?
But what the fuck?
How is self love vomit-worthy?
I’ve seen the darkness.
It’s not fun.
Give me light over shadows every day, to pass onto my son, onto my husband.
Oh, I’ve changed alright.
Into who I was meant to be.
THE END.
Also By Faleena Hopkins
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About the Author
Faleena Hopkins is an American best selling author, actress, and award-winning filmmaker whose novels have sold over a million copies worldwide. Her movie Just One More Kiss launched in theaters Feb. 2020 after it won Best Feature Film at BAFF in 2019. The novel launched at the same time, her first in hardback. Faleena currently resides in California with her oh-so-gentle senior rescue dog, Sophia, where she drinks too much coffee and not enough wine. Sophia prefers water. Lots of water.
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Copyright © 2020 by Faleena Hopkins
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This is a work of fiction, an imaginary world set in the real city of San Francisco for the purpose of entertainment only. People and circumstances have been made up by the author and are in no way associated to real people.
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