I just couldn’t change the outcome—or ignore the pain that was sure to pummel my heart yet again.
I grabbed my gargoyle pendant and squeezed it tight. Sometimes, the sensation of the tearstone shards pricking my palm was enough to snap me back to the present and stave off the unwanted memory. I waited, but nothing happened, no matter how tightly I squeezed or how deeply the shards sank into my skin. Damn it.
Eventually, my magic would settle back down, and I would return to the real world, but for now, I sighed, released my pendant, and fell in step beside the younger version of myself, knowing that there was nothing I could do but see this unfortunate incident through to the end.
While we walked, I studied Gems. The girl grimaced with every step she took, and memories surged off her. Glasses shattering. Tables flipping over. Chairs splintering to pieces. Screams.
The phantom noises flitting through her mind matched the ones that had been ringing in my ears all day long. She was thinking about the Seven Spire massacre. Of course she was. Neither one of us could ever escape it, no matter how hard we tried.
After all, the massacre was when her, my, our mind magier magic had first manifested itself.
More sounds and images filled my mind. The shock and disbelief on Uncle Frederich’s face. The strangled gasps of Lord Hans and the other Andvarians. And perhaps worst of all, Uncle Frederich’s pain burning like a wildfire in my chest, as though Vasilia had plunged her dagger into my heart instead of his.
I shuddered, not sure if the thoughts were Gems’s or my own memories. At times like these, I thought that my magic was slowly driving me mad. Or perhaps I was already mad and just didn’t realize it yet. Hysterical laughter bubbled up in my chest, although I swallowed it before it could escape.
Alvis stepped into a clearing and turned to Xenia. “What do you think? Can we stop for a few hours?”
“Yes, we can stop and rest,” Xenia replied.
Alvis used some rocks to make a fire pit, while Xenia and Gems collected dead branches and pine cones. Eventually, the three of them sat down around a crackling fire.
“Here, Gems. Try this.” Alvis handed the girl two toasted pieces of bread. “It’s a sandwich with cheese and apricot jam. I’m afraid it’s our only option as far as food goes.”
Xenia’s nostrils flared with disgust, but she too took a toasted sandwich from Alvis.
Gems blew on the sandwich to cool it down, then took a bite. The tasty combination of crunchy, toasted bread; warm, melted cheese; and sweet, tangy jam filled my own mouth, as though I had taken a bite of the sandwich too. A ghost of a smile tugged at my lips.
“This is really good!” Gems beamed at Alvis.
He grinned at her, gave Xenia a smug look, and ate his own sandwich. Xenia rolled her eyes, but she too wolfed down her sandwich, and her inner ogre smacked its lips together in silent appreciation.
After the three of them finished eating, Alvis and Xenia started talking in low voices. They didn’t want Gems to hear what they were saying, but of course their thoughts crowded into her mind anyway.
Not much water left . . .
Not sure we lost that last group of guards . . .
We’re still miles away from the Andvarian border . . .
Even worse than their thoughts was their worry, which stung her—my—heart over and over again, like dozens of bees.
“Gems?” Alvis asked. “Is something wrong?”
She stopped rubbing her chest. “Of course not.”
His eyes narrowed with suspicion. I had been such a terrible liar back then.
Gems jumped to her feet. “I need to go . . . you know.” She flapped her hand at the trees. “I’ll be back soon.”
Ten feet, twenty, fifty . . . I followed my younger self into the woods until Alvis’s and Xenia’s whispered thoughts faded away, along with their stinging worry. Gems stopped, leaned up against a tree, and closed her eyes.
Even though this was just a memory, I could still feel the uneven bark digging into my shoulders, and exhaustion, fear, and worry swept through my body just as vividly as they had back then.
“What is bloody wrong with me?” Gems whispered to herself. “Why can’t I control these thoughts and feelings? Why can’t I just block them out? Along with the massacre?”
Unfortunately, those were questions I still couldn’t answer to this day—
Crack.
Gems jerked away from the tree, her