could not afford to be tired.
I had too much to do.
I needed to stay awake.
That was the first thing I had to do.
I went out for a walk.
My father always told me to walk when I was tired.
He said that no one ever fell asleep in the middle of a walk.
My father had died some years before in bed.
His words on sleep seemed especially important as a result.
Off I went into the night.
I walked up Bar Neck Road.
The night was quiet and I said so out loud.
When I had taken about thirty steps I turned and looked back at my house.
It was a riot of rectangles and triangles.
The upstairs windows looked like eyes.
My father had died in the right eye.
I turned away and went off down the road.
It was spring but it did not feel like spring.
I had been in Boston all winter long surrounded by trees but also by cold and I worried that I had lost the ability to relax into weather.
My reasons for going to Boston over the winter were stronger than my reasons for returning home in spring.
I had gone to forget a woman and I had returned because I thought I had forgotten her.
I had gone with another woman and I had returned when she was gone.
I made a right onto Albatross Road.
It was mild because it was spring but I shivered.
I still felt I was in winter and I said so out loud.
After the aquarium I turned onto Water Street and went up toward Luscombe Avenue.
The water was off to my right making the faintest noise as was the wind coming through the trees.
It was going right to left like a sentence being read in reverse.
The idea reminded me of the past and so I felt for my phone and called a woman.
She was not the same woman I had been seeing over the winter though they had the same name give or take.
One was named Gina and the other was named Regina.
Names were important in a situation like that.
I called.
This was the second thing I had to do.
She was home.
She was Regina.
I asked her if I could come over.
She said that would be nice.
She told me her husband was in Boston for the weekend.
I said that I hoped he was having a good weekend.
I vaguely remembered that he played in a band and I took a stab at the name.
One of those two things made her laugh.
She hung up the phone.
I went to her house up on School Street.
She opened the door before I knocked.
She was wearing a man’s dress shirt and women’s underwear.
She said she was psychic.
Then she said she wasn’t psychic somewhat apologetically.
She said that she had seen me out the window.
I told her that I knew she wasn’t psychic.
I told her that if she was really psychic she wouldn’t have gotten married to her husband.
She told me not to mention him.
I said okay but reminded her that he was in Boston.
I told her that if she was really psychic she wouldn’t have introduced me to Gina.
She told me not to mention her either.
I said okay but reminded her that Gina was in Maine.
I told her that everyone was so far away.
I told her that whoever was left should stick together.
I asked her if she wanted to take a walk.
She said that she was too tired.
She asked me if I wanted to come in.
I said that I would.
I went to the kitchen to open a bottle of wine.
Regina went to the couch and turned on the television.
The same cop show that I had been watching at home was still on.
There was a clock on a mantel over her.
It was an antique clock that was probably the most expensive thing in the house.
More than an hour had passed since the show started.
I expressed my confusion.
She said it was a two-hour season finale.
I didn’t say anything.
She said she loved the show more than life itself.
I didn’t say anything.
Once I had told her the same thing about herself.
At that time we were younger.
Back then she had a habit of wearing men’s underwear and no shirt.
We had watched many television shows and almost always ended up in the same pleased position.
I had pledged my love and she had responded with an identical pledge.
We had decided that she would do away with her husband and come to me.
In my mind I saw it all play out and in my mind it was glorious.
My love for her was a blinding light and admitting that to myself did