say. “I mean, yes, I did but…Dex, you died.”
I lower myself on my side, facing him, my fingers gently pressing into the hollow of his throat where only the faintest scar remains, so faint that you have to look for it. “You killed yourself.” My voice breaks.
I feel like my heart is shattering all over again.
He’s watching me closely, eyes glinting in the din. “Baby,” he says to me, licking his lips. He reaches out and cups the back of my head, bringing my face closer to his on the pillow. “What’s done is done. I’m here. That’s all that matters.”
Tears prick at the corners of my eyes, hot and threatening. “But it does matter. You willingly took your own life, Dex. You did that.”
He presses his lips together, searching my face. “I made a sacrifice. You would have done the same.”
Would I have? Would I have had the courage to drive that sword into my throat and end my life for the greater good? I’m not sure if I would have been that strong, that selfless, that brave. I’m not like my mother.
“You would have done the same for me,” he repeats, his voice hard, moving closer to me until I’m pressed up against him. He holds me tight, and I bury my head into his neck, trying to fight back the images of him dead and lifeless, trying to convince myself that he’s here, he’s real, he’s alive, and he’s mine.
I hold back the tears somehow, taking a deep breath, his smell so achingly real and familiar that it feels like home. I press my lips against the soft, warm skin of his neck, feeling his pulse underneath.
He’s alive, he’s alive.
But, god, to think of what he went through when he had to make that choice.
“It wasn’t all bad,” he murmurs, kissing the top of my head, picking up on my thoughts as he sometimes does when my emotions are high. “I died knowing how fucking lucky I was. How lucky I am.”
He runs his hand down the back of my head, down my back, pressing me to him even harder. “You know I’d tried to kill myself before,” he whispers, his voice thick and rough in the quiet of the night. “Back then, when I didn’t know who I was except that I was someone I hated. It was nothing like that. Not even close.” He shifts my head back, resting his forehead against mine. “Perry, you made my life worth living. And you were worth dying for. Please believe that.”
My chest sinks, feeling hollow, carved out. I pinch my eyes shut and the tears start spilling over my eyes. I can’t help it. There’s just been too much going on, too many changes, I’m so scared, and yet I’m so fucking grateful that I have this man by my side.
“Shhh,” he says to me, wiping the tears away with his thumbs. “It’s okay. I’m not going anywhere. You know you’re stuck with me. For better or for worse.”
“Til death do us part,” I manage to say, shaking.
“No, baby, that vow never applied to us,” he says softly. “We know better than that.”
He brushes his lips against mine, tasting my tears, then adjusts himself, turning me over so that my back is against him. His arms wrap around me, so hard and strong, and despite my fear, I’ve never felt safer.
“Get some sleep,” he whispers to me, pressing his lips against the back of my head. “I’ll be right here.”
“Once again,” Dex says as he puts the Highlander into park and fixes his eyes on me. They glow orange from the reflected streetlight. “Are you sure you’re up for this? Because we can always call it quits and turn back now. Go home and forget about it.”
I stare out the rain-splattered window at the house. It’s only six, but it’s been dark for hours, and everything feels darker still, parked in front of this place.
After what happened to me the last time I was here, plus my sighting of the dead lady and her unseen monster at the restaurant, followed by my nightmare of Dex dying, you’d think I would have called the whole thing off. That’s what any sane person would do. Tell Dex that I don’t want to go through with it, that things are dicey enough as it is, that Mr. Cox can keep his money.
But apparently I’m not sane in the slightest.
Because when morning came and Dex told me he was having second