A California Christmas (Silver Springs #7) - Brenda Novak Page 0,109
love a lifelong relationship would require. And she deserved a man who could offer her that.
Besides, he couldn’t settle down without giving up his sponsorship. What woman would be happy to see him head to Europe for half the year or more?
“Then I hope you find out soon, because letting her go could be the biggest mistake of your life,” his mother said.
The conversation ended there. Cal approached and drew Aiyana away, and she was once again caught up in the whirlwind that was her reception. She chatted and laughed with her guests, cut the cake, spoke about her love and gratitude for Cal in a toast—and he did the same for her—and they danced their first dance as a married couple before driving off on their honeymoon later that evening.
But even as Dallas and his brothers got busy cleaning up and piling all the rental stuff in one section so he could return it on Monday, Emery’s hands on his face as she gazed up at him and said, “I’m in love with you” played like a video loop in his mind.
Maybe he was foolish not to jump at the chance to be with a woman like her. She was the girl he’d wanted even back in high school.
But how could he take the risk of loving as deeply as she deserved to be loved?
Maybe he put himself in physical danger—challenged himself to climb steeper and steeper mountains—because he was too much of a coward to walk out on an emotional ledge. After all, he’d experienced the worst kind of fall. There were plenty of days when he felt as though that part of him—the deepest core responsible for trust and bonding—was still splattered on the ground.
25
Dallas couldn’t sleep with Emery right upstairs, knowing she wouldn’t be around much longer. Every minute that ticked away felt like another minute wasted. They should be taking better advantage of the time they had left, shouldn’t they?
He repeatedly checked his phone, hoping she’d text him. He even went up and stood at her door two different times, but he couldn’t bring himself to knock. He didn’t want to bother her if staying away from him was her best way of coping.
“Shit,” he muttered, when he returned, once again, to his own room. He’d just taken off his clothes and was about to put his phone on the charger when he received a text message.
He grabbed his phone. Sure enough, it was Emery.
Would you quit prowling around the house? You’re not making this any easier.
She ended it with a laughing emoji, so he knew she wasn’t seriously put out and was surprised by the relief he felt that he now had the chance to engage her. He’d been losing his mind.
I know I’m the asshole who can’t commit in this situation. But it’s not like I don’t feel anything. We don’t have to make love, but won’t you come down and sleep with me, at least? I just want to feel you next to me.
You know what will happen if I come down.
I can’t say I don’t want that. But even if it happens—would that be so terrible?
When she didn’t respond, he thought the answer was yes—it would be too terrible.
But about fifteen minutes later, when he was lying in bed, wondering what she was thinking or if she’d just drifted off to sleep, he heard his door open and then the soft poof of whatever she’d been wearing as it hit the floor.
* * *
Dallas attempted to do nothing more than welcome Emery into his bed and curl up with her in his arms. He was glad she’d come to his room—grateful just to be with her. He didn’t need anything else. But when she started kissing his neck and her hand slid down his stomach, he knew if he didn’t stop her right away he wouldn’t be able to prove he hadn’t asked her to come down for that reason.
“I meant it when I said we don’t have to do this,” he told her, catching her hand.
“And you had a point when you said it probably wouldn’t matter if we did, not with me leaving on Monday.”
He hated that she sounded so fatalistic about making love with him, that she saw it as their last hurrah before she was gone and this Christmas became nothing but a memory. He didn’t want to let her go; he just couldn’t see another way.
“Dallas?” she whispered when he didn’t release her hand.