This Burns My Heart Page 0,78

was there with his wife, or that her own husband waited for her inside. Of course they wouldn’t do anything senseless. There would be no action, no doing; but he’d be there. He’d be, and that could be the world. Sometimes it is nice just to see the face of the beloved—the excruciating pain comes later. And she could see him, maybe every day. Fine, she thought, as if she had made a pact with the devil and came out on the losing end—here’s love, but it’s attached to a string and a hook, and if you try to grab it, I will yank it back again and again.

“Listen, since we’re all friends, do you mind if I look around and pick a room that I like?” Eun-Mee seemed to completely forget how unsuitable she had found the place. The fact that she might essentially be staying for free seemed to mitigate all worries.

“Yes. Miss Hong will show you which rooms are empty, as well as the one I originally planned to give you,” said Soo-Ja.

Miss Hong, the chambermaid, had been drawn to the front by the noise, and was standing just beyond the front area. She stepped forward, bowed to Eun-Mee, and signaled for her to follow her, which Eun-Mee did, smiling happily, as if she had just won the hotel in a contest and wanted to check its contents.

When Eun-Mee was gone, Soo-Ja and Yul did not speak at first, though she could only pretend for so long to be engrossed by her calculations, and he clearly had something stuck in his throat.

“She—Eun-Mee—she found a note on my desk with your name and the phone number of the hotel. She became very suspicious, seeing a woman’s name, and I didn’t have a lie ready, so I told her it was just the hotel where we’d be staying in Seoul. I don’t know if she called because she didn’t believe me—”

“Why did you have my phone number on your desk?” Soo-Ja asked, cutting him off, aware that Eun-Mee could be back any second.

Yul did not answer her question.

“Soo-Ja, I promise I will check out of the hotel as soon as I can. I know that this is awkward.”

Yul looked right into her eyes, and his hand suddenly came up. Soo-Ja thought he was going to touch her face, but his hand merely stopped in midair, as if lost. It finally came down, to rest on the counter.

“No, stay,” said Soo-Ja. “I’d like for you two to stay here. But you still haven’t answered my question. Why did you have my phone number?”

Yul was looking straight into her eyes when he finally spoke, and it was then that she knew. “Because I’m still in love with you.”

“I don’t see why he thinks he can stay at the hotel for cheap. I hardly know the fella,” said Min, lying next to Soo-Ja on the laminated floor. They’d often talk before falling asleep, with Min bringing up some trivial event from earlier in the day: a fish seller who had mistakenly charged him twice for a pound of abalone; an acquaintance with a cold who sneezed into his hand and then offered it to shake.

“He didn’t ask for it. His wife did,” said Soo-Ja, her hands resting on top of her stomach, eyes looking up at the ceiling.

Min ignored her and continued. “When we were in the student group together, he hardly ever spoke to me. And now he thinks we’re friends? He’ll be lucky if I nod to him while he’s here.”

“What was—what was he like when you met him?” asked Soo-Ja, trying to hide the interest in her voice. It was a luxury, to be able to talk about Yul. Nobody in her life knew him, or knew of his importance to her.

“I never actually met him. We just spoke on the phone a couple of times,” said Min. “You probably spent more time with him than I did. You remember him from back then, don’t you?”

“Barely. It was a long time ago.”

“Didn’t you two go together to that woman’s house—the woman whose son got killed? That must’ve been difficult.”

“Not really. We didn’t know at that point that the boy had died.”

“Yes. So much tragedy out there in the world. But we’re the lucky ones, aren’t we?”

“I suppose so. Good night, Min.”

“Good night. And make sure Yul doesn’t check out without leaving a sizable tip.”

Eun-Mee’s things arrived in the morning, and then continued to arrive throughout the day. Eun-Mee had